THE TEARS OF A CLOWN: If youre funny/zany/wacky you never feel like you fit in. You constantly struggle with poor self- esteem. Even if youre surrounded by loving, affirming friends and family its not enough. Sad. The struggle is in your DNA dammit. Comedy is the currency you use to try and get to normal. So if youre like that, Robin Williams was a beacon of hope. You held onto the thought that if Robin Williams was making it through, you could too. The feeling is, There is hope for a whack job like me. I think this struggle is incomprehensible for many normal people. They see the affirmation and other rewards that the clowns in their life receive and think, that should be enough. My own dear wife has expressed that. She gives and gives and sees that I still struggle to feel loved and even just, okay. Thankfully she knows that she cant fix me. I have great friends who give me everything I should need to feel valued. Again, through no fault of theirs, its not enough. Theres some demonic struggle in the soul of a clown that will never be over in this life. Geez. Robin Williams was 63, a year older than me. I figured, he made it! If I can just hang in there a little longer my struggle will be over too! Guess not. Bummer. So a Christian clown-type person knows that God should be enough. But maybe we look at the false hope we found in our idolization of Robin Williams and have to grapple with the idea that in this world we will never feel okay; the struggle will never be over. Damn.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:42:02 +0000
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