THE TOP THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BILL DE BLASIO New York City Mayor-elect Bill de Blasio will take office in January. In the meantime, lets take a closer look at the newly-elected mayor with The Top Things You Need to Know About Bill de Blasio. Hes never texted his junk. But he HAS smoked tons of crack. Hes a savvy politician that would never do something as dumb as roll out a healthcare system that doesnt work. He once pissed off outgoing Mayor Michael Bloomberg so much that Bloomberg reached up and hit him square in the kneecap. Throughout his campaign, he enjoyed constant, vocal support from Alec Baldwin. And yet, amazingly, he somehow still managed to win. Even though he lives in Brooklyn, hes never once bought an ironic T-shirt, grown absurd facial hair, or thumbed his nose at anyone who dares to patronize Starbucks, instead of an independent coffee shop that grows its own beans on a sustainable farm worked exclusively by Brazilian immigrants. He hopes to initiate sweeping economic reforms to reduce the average monthly rent of a studio apartment in New York to a super-affordable $5,800 a month. To prove hes different from Mayor Bloomberg, he celebrated his win by smoking in public and drinking a Big Gulp. He may or may not be a famous designer of mens suits. If you make fun of how much he loves his mother, he will cut off your nose. Hes so liberal he wants to be sworn in on a copy of the MSNBC employee handbook. The last time a Democrat was mayor was 20 years ago, which is also the last time the Knicks didnt totally suck.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Nov 2013 00:29:10 +0000
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