Ten years ago today our family changed forever. I changed forever. Michael Isaac Hughes was born early in the morning on November 15, 2003 to two loving individuals who had no idea what they were getting ready to enter into, parenthood. He was born six weeks early and just barely six pounds. He came into this world weak, small, and in danger. You would never know it by looking at him now, but aside from the grace of God, he shouldn’t have made it through the first four weeks. If he had been born at any other time in history, we wouldn’t have him. When he had spent a few minutes out in the new world, it was evident he was in trouble. His lungs had too much fluid in them, he was jaundice, and his blood sugar was off the charts. He became silent. When the nurses said that they needed to take him, we relinquished our son to God, His providence and His guiding grace on those who would attend to the health of our son. Once he was visible from behind the glass, I could see nurses working around him, cutting his feet, putting IV’s in his head, sensors on his torso and so on. It was at this time I had my first “father” moment with my new son. I was at the viewing glass to his right, my face so close to the glass I kept fogging it up, frustratingly wiping it every minute or so, when he turned his head towards me and locked in on my eyes. We had a connection. His deep brown eyes looking for answers, looking for a reason to fight, and giving assurance to this kid that was his father, that he needed him. I know in my mind that a baby that young cannot focus their eyes or identify objects, muchless recognize me from 5 feet away through glass, but I will tell you he stared into my eyes for what felt like twenty minutes. It was probably more like five minutes, but it was a long time for a baby to hold a gaze and that, into my eyes. He would spend four weeks in NICU, come home for a brief time before having to go back for another stint in the NICU. After this, he would have an alarm attached to him that would sound every time he stopped breathing. It was horrendously loud, necessarily, to startle him to breathe again. Every time it went off, sometimes multiple times through the night, there was no “going back to sleep.” There was only the pretending of rest. I remember mornings going out to my truck in the dark and hearing the alarm go off and thinking, “Jesus, please don’t take my boy.” Isaac has taught me so much about being a father, forgiveness, forgiving myself, honor, integrity, honesty, perseverance, endurance, will power, and morality. He has been the iron God has used to sharpen me as a father and prepare me for his five siblings. It is my life’s honor to have the role of Father and supremely humbling to have been chosen to secure the futures, the destinies, the eternities of these children. Surpassed only by my role as husband and that by my role as a disciple of Christ, Father is my greatest reward from Christ, our Lord. I am only a steward of the treasure of life God has allowed Meg and myself to hold and we are thankful. I have failed this boy through my strengths and my weaknesses. The best I can do is fail him, at the worst, I could destroy him. It is only by the grace of God that He uses me and Meg to establish in Isaac a correct view of the nature of Jesus Christ. God’s grace is so good as Isaac has surrendered his heart to Jesus and is taken up with the cause of truth and justice. This is evidence of divine favor and the fruit of the Lord’s labor as I am an unfit, but willing vessel. I love Isaac with all my heart, from the very first time I saw him, touched him, held him, prayed over him, kissed his little head dodging IV tubes, watched his first steps, heard his first words, ride a bike with no training wheels, Hit his first baseball, catch his first fly ball, make his first double play, strike out his first batter, win his first race…until the day I go Home, I will love this soul known to us as Isaac. Oh, how I love him, love my children, love my family. Thank you Jesus for the love you have blessed us with and the honor of being the parents of these children. My Lord, my God, I am so undeserving. Thank you for loving me.
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 15:17:41 +0000
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