Thank you all for your support and your kind words that I do not deserve - you all have made my the person but alas that person is gone and struggling to find his identity. Last week I I finally had reached the bottom - and only with the help of my New York friends my boss and mentor who is always there rescuing me -in 30 years he still believes in me even though I had given up. Last week I jst saw darkness and no one was listening to me except for my New York support and My dearest friends in Uganda. These past 3 years I have spiraled down so fast that at times I could not catch a breath the therapist i had been seeing in CA said what happens when you look in the mirror and i said i dont see anyone and she said your face has been erased - it was. This past year and half I have been dealing with a lot of problems that I cannot expose right now but will in time. Its time for my story to be hear, Not to hurt anyone but to hopefully help someone not fall into the course I did. IN three years I lost what I thought was the love of my life, only to be texted that it was over and never to see him again. I was left San Diego alone to deal with my third bout of intestinal cancer stage 3 - having to go through radiation and chemo and surgery and the night I arrived home from the More Clininc i hemmorgerd and it was Tristen that stayed ny my side baring until the nighbors brougth help. I had lost all confidence in my Art and to think that in the lsat three years I cant even pick up a script or listen to a soundtrack - I had started therapy by doctors advice n San Diego and my therapist once asked me ..What do you see when you look in the mirror - I said nothing - she said thats because you have people to erase you from their lives it was so clear Last week I had reached the bottom and I could get up - I honestly was scared for my life and Tristens but wiith the exception of my dearest friend Pica. He and his wife drove all the way to NYC at 10 pm to stay with me to calm me down and helo formulate a plan that would help out of this nightmare. Andrea and Chris brought there friend Lawrence - who was amazing I finally felt llike I had someones ear. Then two fo closest friends, Rafel and JOhn that have given a scond chance in life down here came over the next day -and to me and they were amazing - I have said this time again there are three men who have always were when I needed the support - My dearest friend Ned Kinney who taught how to create beautiful images his heart was so big - then I lost the man who saved my life in California. My dearest friend who i coulfd call in the middle of the night and ke listed to me cry because I was lonely and didnt understand what happened. he and his beautiful wife Beth gave so much support and the Bowman family were amazing - and finally in 30 years my mentor and friend always believed in my and gave me a second shot down here in Wall Street -Inow I am responsible for my actions for my decisions and ihave not made intelligent good ones in this past three years I ke full repsonsability I just dint expect the friends that I needed so badly turned a blind eye - because they were afraid Iunderstand but they werent lsitenig they did exactly what happened to me three years ago they took away the confidence they had in me- they took away my voice - I am not angry it takes to much energy to be angry I am just numb Eacb day I get a little bit glimmer of light I am so grateful to all of you Please know My heart has not changed I am still so proud of the acoomplishements of my students here in NYC in NJ and even Bosnia -I am just a broken man who has lost averything except the loveand support of all of you II promise that in the next 6 months you will know my story because I do have my voce back and if I can help someone not go down the path i did as God is my witness I will My heart ifilled by all of you I guess I am George Bailey :)
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 23:25:58 +0000
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