Thanks A Lot funny I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your stinking chain letters over the past years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern…….. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and it eats the paint off of cars. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer use my cell phone because I could spontaneously combust at a gas station while refueling my car. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If you DON’T send this e-mail to at least 5,000 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird will poop on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a…etc…
Posted on: Sat, 03 Aug 2013 12:44:50 +0000
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