The Aquinas Show Chapter 3 – A house is not a home Day – 105 (2013/8/4) Before I came here, I thought that I couldn’t become independent from my parents. I was totally stressed out because of this. It seemed really hard for me to be independent. I was scared that I would live forever just as a child protected by them. However, I am living very well without them. I am perfectly separated from them. I have no fear to do everything alone. And I think I am doing it well. It makes me feel confident. It is unexpectedly easy for me to live alone. All I had to do is just live like others, and it was a somewhat simple way. I have felt so much satisfied with it, but there was another problem. I had just about to feel to be subordinated to them again. It’s somewhat confusing. I just want to stay as the son of them. My weakness has been revealed again. I hope that I could find my sanity soon. I was too much afraid that something that I was afraid about would really happen. I was terrified of this so much. However, it has changed since I came here. I think that I could change what I was afraid about that would really happen in the future into good things. It’s a great change. I never feel scared about my future. Of course, not never. There is only a little uncertainty. I can get any possible situations when I come back home. I will embrace everything into myself without repulsion. I will face the wind of change dignifiedly. I have two days’ day off. It’s been a long time to have this long rest. I have been getting used to this life increasingly, but it makes me somewhat bored. Fortunately, it seems a very good choice to learn to play the piano here. It’s beneficial not only here but also in Korea. While I am working hard in the restaurant, I became happy and energetic when I imagined my self singing with playing it. at that time, I seemed a little ingenuous. It’s funny. 어제는 일요일이었는데, 바쁘긴 바빴는데, 쉐프들이 그냥 마무리를 느긋하게 하는 느낌이었따. 일요일에는 돈을 더 받아서 그런가? 암튼 이스라엘사장이 그 광경을 보면 아주 환장 했을 듯 싶은 상황이었따. ㅋㅋ 암튼 나도 늦게 끝나고, 근데 돈은 더 많이 받고 히히 여기 오기전 항상 부모님으로 부터 영원히 독립 하지 못 할 까봐 두려웠다. 뭔가 그냥 마냥 어린애로만 남을 것 같았다. 근데, 지금 보니깐 나름 잘 해내고 있네 헤헤. 근데 뭐랄까.... 독립하지 않고 그냥 종속 되고 싶다. ㅋ 딱히 부모님에게 종속 되고 싶다기보다는, 뭐랄까 이곳에서 항상 혼자여서 그런가. ㅋ 뭔가 약간의 관계가 필요하기도 한것 같고. 흠 잘 모르겠네 ㅅㅂ 또, 여기 오기전에는...뭔가 어떤일이...어떤 좋지 않은 일들이 생각나면, 마치 그 일이 진짜 미래에 생겨날까 걱정 하곤했따...그니깐 걱정하는일들이 나를 걱정하게 만들었따...뭔 개소리?ㅋㅋ 암튼, 근데 여기선 좀 다름... 이제 미래를 내가 원하는데로 이끌 수 있겠다는 생각이 든다. 마구마구 이게 바로 자신감인건가 월,화 쉬네 헤헤 좋다. ㅋ 빨리 피아노가 왔으면 좋겠따. 사진은 없음 오늘도 쉬고, 내일도 쉰다. 헤헤 너무 좋다. 신난다.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Aug 2013 03:28:20 +0000