The Mourners Bill of Rights As a bereaved person, you have certain rights that others must not take away from you. In fact, it is the very upholding of these rights that makes healing possible. By Alan Wolfelt, PhD Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. 1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. Dont allow others to tell you what you should or should not be feeling. 2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek our others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. 3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Know that there is no such thing as a wrong emotion. Accept all your feelings and find listeners who will do the same. 4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And dont allow others to push you into doing things you dont feel ready to do. 5) You have the right to experience griefbursts. Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out. 6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. Later rituals, such as lighting a candle for the person who died, can also be healing touchstones. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, dont listen. 7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who wont be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment. 8) You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, Why did he or she die~ Why this way? Why now? Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, It was Gods will or Think of what you have to be thankful for are not helpful and you do not have to accept them. 9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find creative ways to embrace them. 10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. * Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical Schools Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Wolfelt has written many compassionate, best selling books designed to help people mourn well, so they can continue to love and live well. For a complete listing and to learn more about the natural and necessary process of grief and mourning, visit.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 00:56:33 +0000
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