The coal beneath my feet. Mom said marriage is like The hot burning charcoal under the foot. Once you have stepped it you can only hope it cools off and the blister not so bad. Last week a newly wed friend of mine visited me, you should have seen the excitement on my face!!! I was all shouts of halleluya since it was her first visit from the honeymoon. I guess I cared more for the goodies she had shopped for me. But also was excited for my gal. I laid out my china passed down thru generations, I waited anxiously while nibbling on my nails and watchin my favourite t.v programme. Then she drove in, and as I walked to the door to usher her in, I couldnt help but notice the exhaustion or rather sad face. I figured jetlag was still wearing off. But I was nowhere close to what the matter was. As she settled in and warmed up to the cup of tea, we soon caught up to our bubbly selves. She then stated, zera yo so married!!! Three years?!! How will I ever get thru the first year! Well I said I was not expert to these things but I live thru by a few principles. I didnt want to ask about what it is that bothered her, I could almost relate. Before yo married, it all about my space, my way, my things , mu life... Now I had plenty siblings and even with blood relatives, I never got along with them most of the time... My space meant alot!! How about this guy or chic you met and have know a few years, all into yo space yo life!! Now thats what you bargained for and thats for life. Mom and dad managed for years so must we. Child, you never tell yo parents or highly emotional relatives about yo fights, agreements and disagreements. However bad things get you dont involve them. Run to a counsellor or a friend. It may seem bad but when it wears our you will have tarnished his image for life in the eyes of yo relatives. My principle is thru good and bad times, even if he wants out, I will protect him from my relatives. Because if ever it meant anything to him, I once loved him and for the love of my children, its not my place to rip him apart. I painfully have his back in his low moments as a man, a father and a husband. Now dont get me wrong, you will need to talk to someone, but just not someone emotionally invested. Someone who will pick you up, pray with you and let you know it will pass. It always does, and you can never reverse the image of yo spouse once tarnished in the hearts and eyes of yo relatives. It may get really bad, you may be really mad but breathe... Breathe again. Then call you counsellor. Just dont be confrontational. You address the issues when calm, thats when you make sense. No matter what, when you finally have children, never use them as bait or play them against each other. It destroys them. You dont quarrel before them, you dont turn them against yo spouse, you painfully defend him or her before them because you defend them above all. You create a safe place for them. When they are old enough they may understand somethings. Then and only then do you reason with them. Yes, hurtin people hurt people, just be careful how toxic you maybe who goes down. As a woman and wife, you age gracefully, walk head held high with dignity. It doesnt matter what they know, it matters how you handle it. We had a great evening... Talked about cooking and life the rest of the evening. We were grateful for the evening. Even if she didnt get me anything from her honeymoon, I was glad to have given her the smile and peace she left with, though I still have no idea what the issue was. My day well spent. Dear Journal read me another day and I shall write you another milestone.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 08:04:24 +0000
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