Theres really no words I can put together to explain the deep buried pain that lingers inside of me when I remember you. I cant put words together to accurately explain how deep my heart drops inside of me when I speak your name. I hurts to cry but hurts more not to. I keep you closed within me, I dont talk about you much because as far as Im concerned the only people I feel could remotely compare to the pain I feel are your family. I feel for them meanwhile they feel for me. I find you in everything. The numbers 11, 18, 13 , 9 , 16 , 1 and 28 make me think, while to everyone else there just a step closer to the next number or a number lower then the one before. I look so into everything. I cant hear couples say baby girl or baby boy . Those names are mentally destroying me thinking of them. I was supposed to come see you the next day.. But it happened too soon.. And I feel if I had just asked what happened to your other half you may still be here . The signs are familiar to me because Ive been there, but I just didnt even think that itd be what it was. I wish I could have asked. I didnt sleep, I was scared to hear the phone go off. And just when I thought you were strong enough to fight something more powerful then you and I the phone rang.. Revealing to me the worst news Ive ever uncovered . As I pass the stairs and see my father who told me I couldnt see you and that youd be fine sitting on the fourth step with his head lowered .. Little did he know, I was still gonna see you, hold your hand and just talk to you.. Maybe your heart would have raced fast enough rather then slowing down.. Maybe not.. I wont ever know. And though people have come to me and told me things, I still refuse to believe it because youre not here to justify. I miss you more then I felt anyone could ever miss anyone . I still have the burning love for you.. The type of love other seek for years, I found for you at such a young age. We swore it was us against the world. And even though no one can see you its still us taking on this cruel world because everything I do, I do with you with me. I dont know what I believe happens after we die, but I do believe youre still right by my side. Just like youve always been, since day one.. When everyone was still calling you jerry..
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 00:19:47 +0000
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