This is a first and quite hysterical. I went to Starbucks and the guy behind the counter was busy, glanced over and said “I will be right with you sir”. When he came to the cash register I said “I’m not a sir”. He was so embarrassed. I told him I thought it was hysterical. He looked very relieved and said he was glad. I said yes, I guess so since if not I could have beaten the crap out of him. We both laughed. After I ordered he wouldn’t take the money. I told him he didn’t have to do that and he said “I kind of do”. I felt so bad for him…he really was scared. That topped off a pretty amazing second day in a row. I took it easy this morning. Eventually I had breakfast and came over to Starbucks to work. Yes, I was there twice today. The reason I had to come twice because the first time I wound up talking to either a very brilliant and interesting man or a delusional psychopath. Think it was the prior, but I will find out in the next 90 days. He claims to have marched with Martin Luther King. He also says he is trying to get Wayne Williams out of prison. He claims he was set up and in the next 90 days will be filing some type of motion. We discussed all kinds of things. He was pretty interesting. Although at one point before we began speaking he was talking to himself. Maybe it was the latter after all. I guess it doesn’t matter. I think I will set a Google alert for Wayne Williams and see if anything happens. In any event, it was a pretty interesting interaction; although now that I think of it, if he was crazy, it was a waste of time causing me to have to work this evening. I went to my art therapist this afternoon. I have been clean for 19 years and done quite a bit of step work; I’ve been in all kinds of therapy off and on over the last 30 years; I’ve also done all kinds of “out of the box” work on myself. I’ve had all kinds of food challenges over the years and done all kinds of work on it. I’ve never gotten to the “true nature” of what was going on…until today! Thru making pictures with my non-dominant hand (my inner child expresses herself when I do that), writing things that were told to me that helped create my “stinking thinking” and other exercises, I believe we are on the way to my being able to make life changing edits to my relationship with food. When I had my “aha moment” I suddenly felt a weight had been lifted…it was incredible. I still have work, lots of work to do, but I feel that for the first time in my life I found the road I need to go down and it has a light at the end of it. It would appear that I have been giving my power away to the 3 men that convinced me I was “used goods that nobody would ever want”, broken, defective, overweight and therefore unworthy of love, and all kinds of other ridiculous ideas. As ridiculous as it sounds, at some point I accepted it as the truth. As a result I started a long and very painful relationship with food. For the first time in 57 years I feel I am truly on the road to recovery in this area. For years I have thought that this was the core issue in my life. If I truly get to the other side of this will I truly be cured, lol? Actually, I am a bit nervous about what will come up next. There is no doubt something even more messed up waiting to be revealed and ultimately dealt with that will make all this look like kids play. I’m smiling as I write this part. Just for today I feel a sense of relief and hope that I haven’t experienced and am going to enjoy it. I’m looking forward to next week and what we are going to do. Gd was spot on when he made sure I met Millie. I went back to the place Betsy and I ate yesterday for a late lunch. Stacy, the lady that is making us the tutu’s was there. She actually measured me for the item she is making me. It is going to be awesome. She found a pair of purple palazzo pants that she is going to cut and make into lining. I really hope the hospital lets me wear it when I go back. I know the kids would enjoy it and it would be wonderfully comfortable. I have plans to go to a girls get together next Saturday night. I am already planning how I can ensure that I can go. If this weekend is any indication, I should be fine. In any event, as my friend Motorcycle Ed says “proper planning prevents poor performance”. I really enjoyed the one I attended at someone’s home about 6 weeks ago. There will be several women I don’t know which is very exciting to me. Well, I will learn about the big changes at work tomorrow. Faith is a beautiful thing…it saves all the energy that worrying uses. Since it never changes anything, it is pretty useless. As one who spent tons of energy on it BF (before faith), I am even more appreciative of it. I know I could never have had the weekend I had were it not for faith. I would have tainted every wonderful experience with worry and never fully enjoyed or appreciated anything. I feel like I left something out, but I can’t remember what it is, so it must not be that important. Hoping you had an awesome weekend. Hugs!!!
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 23:59:44 +0000
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