This is what a Wizard looks like after getting the shite kicked out of him for 7 out if the past 7.5 months hes been alive for . Clinic today was way more stressful then I was prepared for...its been decently routine for a while...Fehrguss counts are the absolute worse we have ever seen. All they can say is that 95% of his little life getting round after round after round after round of chemo/heavy chemo, multiple surgeries has caught up with this Wizard. Hes exhausted and pale, anemic, almost neutrophenic, and may need a platelet transfusion, after blood transfusion tomorrow, followed by chest x-ray. What one of the many stressful things about cancer is how it itself, along with hairy chemo, tends to cause things to snowball. I am greatful though, as yes, I am aware how well hes done. Doesnt mean both of us are not exhausted though. A week from today is the big day...The pet/ct scan. Its done down the road at the big cancer centre. 7:45am, next Wednesday. Its kind of a big deal. Its a huge deal. I had a dream about Spot the other night, it was a very sad dream, I woke up crying and couldnt stop. It sounds like my dream has reason as I hear Spot has not been doing very well. Im going to try to get over to see him before the scan. I miss my friend of 13 years....what he must think and feel about me just up and gone one day...for 9 months...I cant shake that dream when I think of him. I know this post is kinda sad and dramatic, I dont care. Im lonely, incredibly exhausted,very confused and what I love I love way too much and cant seem to find making sense of everything that surrounds everything I love. I know finding gratitude is something I need to focus on, but I actually just plain out dont have the energy. I do still find joy in my Agoo. That is good. He is my Wizard. A very tired, pale, no eyebrow Wizard.
Posted on: Wed, 14 Jan 2015 21:58:32 +0000
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