This isnt your normal room. This motherfcker is the room God would have if he wasnt busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. It’s set up to get in and out fast, as in mornings that you are late because of the crazy party you were yesterday. Who doesnt like to party?! Terrorists, that’s who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this room. Clean? This room is clean like a junior executive CEO. No dirty past secrets and no dirty humid corners. Pure wood on the floor with a color on the walls that only a girl would know; I call it red, or green or blue. What’s that? You like sleeping? Well Ive got some great god news for you. This room was a sleeping project of mine, and the last owner was planning on making it a sleep machine too. Interior decoration is for pussies so we got rid of it. Manly as fck. It literally oozes testosterone. So much so that its puddling up in the back. Mattresses? this cocks*cker has got two. One for you, and one for the hot @ss broad that’s gunna be all upon you after you rent this room. Youre a girl? Sh*t works both ways. One mattress for you, and one mattress for that hot @ss dude youve been trying to hook up with for weeks. Deal with it, sh*t’s getting serious. Stereos and AC are for hippies. Fortunately this room has neither. Oh look at me, I like listen to Simon and Garfunkel and think about puppies. Sh*ts getting real, real f*cking good. This room has a bathroom and a toilet downstairs so it so you can always sneak even half-naked from your room after a hot night on those megahellatastic mattresses. It also has a kitchen downstairs there kicking even more ass since you always want to grab a bite after having a shower. Now, Ill be honest. The house is locatedin the kick ass south of Eindhoven, 12 minutes from central station to escape ehv and 10 seconds from all mighty Albert Heijn shop ! But that doesn’t matter cause everyones gunna be so focused on your super gangster room that nobody is going to give a f*ck about your sh*tty amenities. Dont worry; Ive got you fcking covered. Its like were in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Dont worry, friend, Ive got your fcking back and I blow charlie to kingdom fcking come. There is a kick-ass parking space infront for your p*ssy magnet of a car, just dont come crawling back to me complaining that youre getting TOO much vajayjay. Cars not your thing? We have a bike shed; this is not a bike shed; this is a bunker. This room has got countless f*cking shops in awesome walking distance of 1 seconds. There is a fast food restaurant next door ... the list doesnt f*cking END. It just keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny on speed. You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this room. You will get so fcking fast to the tram/train station that you may very well go back in time. It happened to me once. Just once, but it was fcking rad. I get it. Youre busy, Im busy, let’s not waste time. If youre interested send me a message and Ill get back to you ASAP. You send me a message, I send you one right back. That’s how this works. Available as of 1st of September this year. 325 bucks all included.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 19:51:56 +0000
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