This wasnt something I felt like a could adequately address yesterday on Facebook. I could barely even open this app without crying because of the constant stream of posts about the news and the feelings around the situation. Even now Im certain I cant convey my words properly; there arent words that feel fitting to describe the wealth of emotions Ive been experiencing. Ive been at FreedomFest for the past few days and got the news while I was watching an SFL session. I was in absolute disbelief and immediately was overcome with sadness and panic. I lost my composure. I ran to find someone who could understand the pain. This time exactly a week ago we were hanging out in Downtown Houston because you were finally coming back to Texas and came through on your way up to Austin. I was so excited to finally get to see you again; itd been awhile and there was all kinds of stuff that we got to talk about that evening. It was so great catching up. I am so grateful you called and that I had the opportunity to see you. I never wouldve imagined it was going to be my last. You were so optimistic about your move back and the future. You were in a better place than I had maybe ever seen you. I wish I wouldve stayed later at the bar with you. I wish I wouldve asked you all the questions I had, and not saved any of the stories for next time. I mentioned I was going to FreedomFest a few days later to you and you almost couldnt contain your excitement. We spent awhile comparing stories. We talked about SFL back in your day, SFL when we were in it together, and what its like now. You gave me input, you gave me advice, you reminded me of all the things you thought I should pass along because you knew how important I stilling SFL culture is to me. We were gonna catch up after I got back. I was going to let you know how everything went. I never would have thought I would have heard such crushing news with timing like this. Ive been vacillating between being so thankful that I was in the company of other people who knew you so well and wishing I was just able to be alone. My hotel room became a space that was almost a venue for paying respects. There was a steady stream of SFLers coming in and out, making phone calls and sending messages to others that we love and who loved you. We were all able to be there for each other; holding each other when we felt the wave of pain come through, telling stories and laughing that devolved into sorrowful tears, trying to explain the impact you had on us to each other and to those who only knew stories about you. We made the decision to celebrate your life last night. You wouldve wanted us to have fun. You wouldve told me to go out with my board and show them what SFL is about. You had a tremendous impact on me. We were close on a level I feel like only few SFLers could empathize with. I had no prior experiences with SFL before I joined my CC class a couple of years ago and you welcomed me as if I had been around for ages. You showed me what SFLove was right from the start. That year was one of the most formatives times in my life thus far, and you were absolutely instrumental in it. I never got a chance to thank you enough. It was so comforting to listen to david tell the story about how you reacted when I won student of the year; I hadnt heard that before and your excitement, love, and appreciation for others was something everyone agreed was one of your most incredible qualities. I always wished I wouldve been involved in SFL earlier. All of the stories from you and all of our friends regularly had me regretting not finding it sooner. Im just so happy I had the chance to be in your region, and in Texas together no less, which now is its own region. Im so glad you got to see the Lone Star region be a thing before you passed. You promised Sunday that you would hang out with Dustin since yall were both living in Austin this summer and impart as much wisdom and have as many good times with him as you could. We were so excited about the fall and we were going to work together to host another legendary Texas Halloween event. I can confidently say you are one of the few people Ive ever interacted with so genuinely and its because it was always reciprocated. It was one of the many qualities I know everyone admired about you. You always tried your best, and I always knew and appreciated that. You taught me so much. We made so many memories that I appreciate now more than ever. Even though youve passed I am still learning from you. I have so much more to say; I dont know what I was thinking trying to fit something into a post like this, but getting my thoughts out are crucial for me. You were so loved and you are so missed, Kaluza. Stay strong everyone and lets dwell on the good times and memories, lets be thankful for his time on earth, and lets do our best to keep his memory alive.
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 04:01:14 +0000
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