This year I am in my 60th year. I guess getting to 60 means different things to different people. What does this mean for me? Well, I am at present applying for Employment And Support Allowance. If I get this it will mean that, as my friend Roy put it, I shall be in semi-retirement. Given that I now have few if any employable skills and a deteriorating health situation, semi-retirement sounds about right. I looked up on the Internet when I shall officially become a pensioner. Sometime in 2021 apparently. That is about seven years from now give or take a year. I have lived most of my life in the 20th century. Everything that has had any meaning for me has happened in the 20th century. For me quite honestly the 21st-century is largely irrelevant. Being of a spiritual disposition and of the shamanic way, I have a very clear idea of where I will be going once I depart this life. I shall be continuing in another life somewhere else. There is no death simply a transition from one life to another life. I look forward to going to that other life when my time comes and not a moment before. In the meantime Im living in a supported community here in Haslemere. I have some very good friends and lots of people I talk to and whose company I enjoy. I love the dogs in Haslemere. Saying hello to doggies really does make my day. When I say hello to doggies I can get friendly with them and most of the dogs in Haslemere are very friendly as are their owners. Haslemere is a very friendly town. It suits me down to the ground. If I have to become a pensioner anywhere Im glad its in Haslemere. The only other things that I care about now, having no family, are my friends and Israel. I love Israel with my Jewish friends and I enjoy going to synagogue every so often. I shall probably convert back to Judaism before I pop off. In this way I shall be honouring Maria and her family-as-was in Germany and her destiny in Palestine which she never quite managed to achieve. I kind of did it for her when I visited Israel three times in my life. My friends here in Haslemere and in Godalming and wherever else they may be are precious to me. I have no family. I dont know about Marias family in Germany. That is as yet a closed book to me. I dont know any of the Greek family any more and do not particularly want to. The Greek part of my life is now closed to me and I have no wish to reopen it. I was never Greek and Maria was never Greek so that should be an end to it. It has been difficult to accept this having spent most of my life involved with Greek language, Greek culture and history under the illusion that I was respecting Maria as a Greek mother. Yet it never really felt quite right that I was doing it. I was very glad when she told me a story and put me right on this. Some physicists are talking about parallel worlds and interaction of those worlds with this world. This is a very shamanic thing, a very ancient way of understanding the universe. I feel that Im experiencing a parallel world. There is another world where Maria did make it to Palestine. She went there, she took part in and survived the War of Independence, became a citizen of the state of Israel, married another immigrant or a native Israeli and had me in Israel. So there is another me that is actually Israeli, who grew up in Israel, who went into the Israeli army, served in tanks, fought through the Yom Kippur war having missed the Six-Day War by whisker, who went into Lebanon and so on and so forth. This other me in Israel was secular and is now rediscovering his religious roots as I am. In essence, I am trying to discover what I can of this parallel me to understand better the energy continuum we share. Whenever I watch Israeli TV online I can feel the presence of this other me in Israel speaking Hebrew and feeling somehow different to the British me here in Haslemere. And yet the other me and the British me are quite comfortable together. We form a continuum of energy from somewhere out there in the cosmos (I am given to understand the place is around the star Aldebaran in the constellation Taurus...). I have only really discovered this other me once I managed to break free of the emotional stranglehold of the Greek that held me back for so long. I am sure that Maria is also glad to be free of it. It was necessary at the time but that time is now gone. Im exploring the German roots of our German Jewish ancestry especially the period before Maria left Germany for Palestine. Apparently the male side of the family were the more assimilationist and joined the Reichswehr after World War I. They remained in the German army under Hitler and went with it into Russia where they apparently perished. They were more German nationalist than Jewish Zionist. My mother Maria and her mother Betti were the opposite: they were more Jewish and Zionist than German nationalist. So they made tracks for Palestine during the 5th Aliyah. Betty died en route leaving Maria on her own. She was therefore adopted by George Kapsis and became an honorary Greek. This is the German heritage I feel I should explore in someway at some point. At the same time Im exploring our very ancient heritage that went all the way back to ancient Palestine and ancient Mesopotamia. According to the family mythology we originally came from the kingdom of Israel and arrived in Mesopotamia during that first exile. Contrary to received wisdom, many of those who went into exile discovered a new world in Mesopotamia and settled down to accept it and to enjoy it and to explore it. Our family was amongst those. While we remembered Jerusalem and the Temple we were given to understand that our journey as Israel had to continue from Babylon and Mesopotamia and go into the world. That is what we did eventually travelling from Mesopotamia through Italy to Germany and becoming German Jewish citizens of whichever princedom we were residing in at any one time before 1871. In the meantime it seems that (I am advised shamanically that) as from this year I have maybe 10 to 15 more years of this life left. Im glad it is no longer than that because I have been through a lot in terms of ill-health throughout this lifetime and I would not wish to prolong that any longer than was necessary. If I can enjoy any of the next 10 to 15 years here in Ballindune, with friends for most of that time hopefully, I shall be grateful. If a companion were to come to me to share the rest of my life with me and to Return Home with me, I should be even more grateful. I have no qualms about looking forward to Going Home. I have lived most of my life in the last century and that is what I understand. Even my previous life (aka incarnation, past life) was lived in the last century. I have no reason to desire to understand or become more involved in this 21st-century. It is but a shadow of the 20th-century. The changes that are coming about will transform the Earth out of all recognition to what we know now. So this present 21st-century illusion of a culture is really neither here nor there. Theres no point in getting to know it any better. Philip
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 02:25:02 +0000
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