Three nights in the belly of the casualty room, chai three whole nights, and as you slump over your cup of coffee looking for the sleep anti-dote in its dark bitter contents, you feel overwhelming pity for yourself. Medical school did not prepamyou for this, this intense longing for your bed or at least a horizontal surface, it does not have to be soft, just an opportunity to lie down, and hopefully block out this constant stream of emergency admissions. The stream does not hold up, neither does the blaring of the ambulances. kai it feels like acute onset tinitus, but it is only the blaring of the ambulance sirens, and the dizziness- it is only sleep. Sleep which should be natural, but not for you the night doctor on call, who all night has been attending to all sorts of cases. From protecting the hearts of many a hyperkalemic, to rousing the hypoglycemics with sugary infusions, to diuresing the congestive cardiac failures, to thrombolysing the heart attacks, to examining CT scans of brains being painfully stroked, displaying sewing finese as you stuture lacerations...of angry lovers. Chai nothing more exhilarating than attending to emergencies, the joy of being a young doctor. The overflow of energy and bravado, draws envious glances from the elderly. At this time you silently thank your lecturers and consultants in Ituku-Ozalla for opening up the secrets of this revered vocation to you. As the hours tick past, so does your alertness cum energy. The oppressive mighty hour of sleep descends ( for me between 4-6am) you begin to call for help albeit silently, the coffee now impotent, your medical entries more ineligible than ever. So far it has been the analytic precision and scientific precision of the medic, until you were grabbed by an elderly patient who insists you are her daughter. Haba you dont even look Caucasian, but she clings tenaciously to you and weeps tears of joy at finding her long lost daughter. It takes the heftiest of male nurses to wrestle you from her grip and as the woman weeps at this second bitter loss you realize in alarm, medical school did not prepare you for this softness. The diagnosis of dementia in the notes does not help you deal with this present situation or your the scratch marks on your arms. She lunges at you when you try to comfort her, and you decide it is best to leave, than deal with the agonizing howls of a sad mother. All this while you thought you had all the answers, until the nurse places a folder of a new admission, a 12 year old male who attempted suicide by jumping off the balcony of a two-story building. Your heart stops as you remember your little brother and how much you love him. How do you approach this and WHY should this happen? The nurse shrugs looking up to you for answers. She tells you pointedly that you are the doctor, and you are quick to remind her that you are neither a Psychiatrist nor a Priest. You approach with trepidation, now fully awake, praying not to judge this mangled patient harshly. GCS of 14 gives you hope, pain score of 0 (thanks to morphine) and you commence clerking. Patient seems mummified, with three limbs in casts, cervical spine spared thankfully. The responses you get, scanty, barely two worded. Parents in the background weeping silently and wringing their hands casting you pleading glances- you the Doctor do something. Will the patient do it again? despite this show of love from parents and staff? a definite yes!!! You step back but not before reminding them they are responsible for their lives, and walk away dejected. are you the doctor not supposed to save lives? but how do you tackle this case, again medical school did not give the answers. You feel tempted to go back and tell them that despite the unimaginable hardship in your Country suicide is almost unheard of, not to talk of in a 12 year old. You still ask why as the silent tears begin to flow? tears for a broken humanity. September 10 marked World Suicide Prevention Day. I have to go back and read the article indepth...when morning breaks.
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 20:56:10 +0000
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