To feel the chance to live again...... thats all I want , but theres something about a part of grief that pulls me back in......GUILT......letting go of it has been hard ....but im ready , i feel ready ive learned allot of myself ......that i am amazing and very lovable when i let people in that for so long i didnt want to be loved or me loving anyone....... all these changes that i been faced with is preparing me for whats coming ...... my beautiful angels are always with me......my biological mother who gave me up for me to have a better life with the most amazing parents i could of ever had. my Dad who never treated me any different who i lost to cancer , a beautiful guy i met who i fell in love with my heart and soul 22 years ago who was murdered . and another a year later who was killed by a drunk driver who loved me and my child. and my baby love my adored baby Kyan who gave me life again who when he was born all i wanted was to be a grandmother he was my little companion he just completed me that my 11 year relationship ended but i just didnt care cause i had him. the day i lost Kyan i lost myself i died that day one split second changed our lives completely I will never get over it , the questions of what happen lives within me it was an accident a fall that can never be explained ....but so many had questions and so many have no idea what that pain is like but yet made comments. Kyan was and will forever be loved all he knew was LOVE & HAPPINESS & LAUGHTER he is our ANGEL .....what an honor it was and will always be I have the most amazing friends who really got to know ME without judgement of why i am the way i am..... why im writing this is its closure of some of my past , my demons ......the part of guilt ....4 deaths .... i know now it wasnt my fault i can let go and sent them free........that they will forever be with me...my angels....... my baby love wants me to ........... maybe some will now understand me it wasnt that i didnt care it was cause i been numb for so long ..............im beautifully imperfectly fragile but STRONG.... someone broke my wall down.............but it was because i was ready and im ready to LIVE again......pletely ..... i even want to fall in love again something i said i never wanted.......................... im ready for LIFE
Posted on: Mon, 01 Sep 2014 05:44:26 +0000
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