Today is my moms birthday. She would have been 68. She was 9 months pregnant in 1969 and she was certain Id be born on her birthday but I waited nearly a week and came 6 days later, on the 9th. I dont really have many early memories of her. I recall how tall she was when she got out of her wheelchair and used the railings on the wall to get down the hall, and I remember her beautiful hands, with the longest, palest, loveliest fingers I had ever seen. Even when the tremors of MS made her unable to use them they captivated me, and I would hold them tight and compare my small hand with hers. We lived with my grandparents, and by the time I was four she was no longer walking and my dad had left. I remember pushing her wheelchair to the supermarket and pretending not to notice the looks we got...a barefoot knotty-haired beach kid pushing her beautiful disabled mommy down the aisles. I guess thats when I learned to shut everything away. As my mother got sicker my grandparents took over and I grew up helping to take care of her. So I know what its like to watch someone you love be ravaged by disease. I know what its like to not take even one second to comprehend what is going on because youre so busy with the day to day, and I know what its like to refuse to say, Why me? Why us? Why her? even when I wanted to scream it from the rooftops. A few weeks ago I got an email from a woman questioning why RTG is helping Callie. She said our money would be better spent on other children and that I had no clue what it was like in the real world of illness and disability. She is in nursing and although Im sure she has seen it all, she has not seen it in her own mother...or her own child. So she is no expert. Ive got 30 warrior moms of Ride to Give kids that could teach her a thing or two Im sure. My grandmother knows what its like to have a beautiful daughter be a constant reminder of all that could have been. But as most special needs moms know, if you dwell on the what ifs you wont be able to get out of bed in the morning. When I see Callie I see how truly precious she is, and she gives me hope for a kind world right when Im questioning everything the most. So I want to help her. I need to. I wish I had really known my mom. She died from complications of MS when I was 27 and is just a wisp of memory now. But I know she is with me. My Gertie has her hands. - Kaete
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 12:13:42 +0000
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