Two children to a good home, ages 8 and 2. Ive had them since they were newborns, but have recently decided that they are not actually children but demons from another dimension sent to torture me. The largest demon, around 60 pounds, is hoping to when the next Academy Award for the most dramatic performance. He has wildly erratic emotions and can turn on you at any second for no apparent reason. He is prone to screaming tantrums about how no one understands him and I am ruining his life. The 2 year old, weighing around 30 pounds, screams, spits, sometimes bites and hits, and is not above pooping and peeing on the floor... and then playing in it. He throws food and matchbox cars at the larger demons head which then sends the larger demon into a demonic rage where he pukes pea soup, speaks Latin backwards, and his head spins in circles. All of these behaviors are amplified exponentially upon entering a grocery store or any other place of business. They are both hungry every 45 seconds, at alternating intervals. If they are made to wait for food, or anything for that matter, they shriek with a high pitched whining sound that I can only assume is demonic distress signal that is used to call other demons to their aid. If you are looking for an upgrade to your current guard dog or are looking for ways to get rid of that girlfriend or boyfriend that just wont take a hint, then these children are for you.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 18:01:27 +0000
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