We disconnected Michael from all life support a couple of hours ago. Im sitting by his bed typing with one hand and holding his hand with the other. Its prob more an automatic thing, but hes curled his hand around mine and if anyone bothers him to wipe off his mouth or anything he tightens it around me. Ive been playing all my SING! songs for him hoping it makes it sound like home to his sleeping sedated mind as I sing so often day and night with the app. Hes congested and breathing heavily and a bit intermittent, (NUERO breathing) but seems to be resting comfortably otherwise. He may last through tomorrow and if so I will too as Im not sleeping through my last hours with him. The staff who usually have hysterical loved ones they are trying to help make the decisions I have are so impressed with how much its clear that Im thinking about what he would want over what I want and that I know what he wants even. Im not sure what kind of people they are used to dealing with cause Im devastated and when appropriate setting I break down and cry. My sister and I bawled for at least a half hour after everything was disconnected. When meeting with them though that isnt what he needed me to do and this is about him. When its all over then it can be about me.
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 02:44:34 +0000
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