With a holiday weekend coming up here are some redneck etiquette tips. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using ones OWN truck keys 2. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a womans jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are. THEATER ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they cant hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles - even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back a coffee. 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS 1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. Its considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. #redneck -Mike
Posted on: Thu, 22 May 2014 22:00:00 +0000
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