Yes, I am a smoker. Yes, I have large-scale debts. Yes, I drink Coke, and RoyalTruOrange and Mountain Dew and other bad-for-my-health drinks. Yes, I eat MSG-laden chips and instant noodles. Yes, I forget to unplug unused electrical appliances. Yes, I have flooded the bathroom because I forgot to turn off the faucet while I filled up the emergency water container. Yes, I dont sleep enough. Yes, I flinch at bad grammar & wrong spelling. Yes, I allow myself to be cruel with the truth I think is necessary to be said instead of being kind. Yes, I have a terrible anger inside of me that makes my fingers shake when I type. Yes, I can be extremely unkind with my words, and delight in it for the moments I allow the anger to run through me. Yes, I can forget that I love people and I can be horrid and temperamental with them, and at worst, make myself forget about them. Yes, I can be extremely unhappy. Why am I telling you this? I have been trying to clean up my Facebook message inbox of unread messages, and I have received over 30 - THIRTY! - messages from you with one common misunderstanding of my person. To paraphrase, you have said that I know it all, I have it all. That is not true. What I have are pockets of knowledge, understanding, and my lifes history, the verbal mastery to convey my thoughts or views on what I am asked about, and finally the lack of fear to speak my mind. I speak & write well, yes, but I do not know everything, I can not be right in everything. In my work as a Soulcard Reader, I am paid to tell my clients only the truth of what I see. I cannot allow myself to be afraid of the fact I may be wrong - but I have to make my clients realize at the beginning that no matter what I say, they are still the ones to make the decisions they will have to live the consequences of. I am not, cannot be held liable for anything that happens to them after the reading. That holds true as well for those who ask my opinion via a private message here on Facebook - remember please that what I respond with is ONLY my opinion - in the end, what you think must count, what you decide is what YOU will live with. That being said, yes, I try very hard to give what I can to others, because I can, because the feel-freakin-good-factor is a high incomparable, and yet fleeting. Yes, I have a man I call my husband because he is my home, my one true love, my mate-for-life - and despite the fact we are not married in the eyes of the church or state, in my eyes he is the only man for me, and no one else can replace him. Yes, I am able to forget small hurts and humiliations in not more than 1 minute, not less than 5 seconds - because I realize that time is finite, and to waste moments on unnecessary and nonbeneficial-to-my-future emotions is disrespectful to the gift of life I was given. Yes, I value my happiness above all others, even that of my husband, because in doing so I am more capable of giving happiness to others if I am in that state. I try to be in control of myself and my life as much as possible, but I am also cognizant of the fact I will always slip and slide and make mistakes and disappoint my self, and in so doing, I am ever challenged to improve myself. But that is my life, and I love that I have a chance of perfecting my lifelong imperfections. If anything, my love for myself is what I have found to be the most perfect gift of all, and perhaps why I was given the gift of lifelong love from a man who in my eyes is equally as perfectly imperfect as I am. In the end, that is what matters to me.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 03:57:57 +0000
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