i cant help but notice im on the way to losing a lot of people in my life, and i feel very torn as to what to do. do i stay close to them and ignore what my heart is telling me, or do i leave them behind. they drag me back into that world of not giving a crap. i cant stand the emptiness that gives me. i am by no means perfect, but i want to be better, and I need to surround myself with others who want the same thing. im slagging the whole world off, me included, for not being strong enough to do anything about it. i think i was happier when i was ignorant. i didnt get as upset when people did the things they did, infact i didnt totally understand the depth of what they, and I, was doing was quite so wrong, because i never knew of people standing up and saying no to all the unneccassaries and doing things for the right reasons. i dont feel i can change for the better when im surrounded by people who dont want the same thing. it makes me think fck it ill do that too, but afterwards i feel empty and i feel i deserve to. im suffocated with guilt and anger at my being weak in those moments, and even angrier when it seems that no one else aknowledges the damage weve just done. how can i be so unhappy and them so happy? should i just mind my own buisness? should i go out get drunk on money and materials and laugh it all off with friends? when i get that twinge that this is wrong and causes suffering to others for the sake of my pleasure, should i believe i need this moment of happiness’ even if it means destruction for others.. after all, we all deserve to be happy, but do we really need to find happpiness in any way we can no matter the consequences. I know some of the most amazing & inspiring people, but they also join the band wagon and do destructive things, and they will strive and search for a reason to justify it to alleviate the guilt. If you search for something long enough you’ll probably find it, but does that make it right? What if I bomb the human race? I can justify that by the fact that the planet will be better off without us. (Im sure you all know that would be wrong)... What?!!? But I just justified it..! So it cant possibly be wrong!
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 13:12:38 +0000
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