i dont think you guys were around for it but i remember typing up a long ass story involving cam garden back in early-mid 2013 and because my account was deleted i thought it was lost forever. someone actually saved it, and so, for glorious old times, i will post, my finest creation. The year is 2019. I have just finished my ultimate year at the prestigious institution known as Oxford University, within which I reside at Oriel College, the home of Philosophy. Every day I walk down the famed Logic Lane, where one may, on a lucky day, see the Wycombe Professor of Logic himself, a position formerly owned by greats such as the exemplary A.J.Ayer. I myself have been told that I may one day take that position, as I have become the most learned of sesquipedalians amongst my age group, and consequently love for grandiloquence has led me to flawlessly achieve the best marks (naturally) that any undergraduate has ever accomplished at this most antique, traditional yet inspiring institutions. Oh, did I misspeak? Im no undergraduate anymore - I had transcended that long ago with my stellar intellect in my teenage years, and they allowed me to pursue my doctorate at the youthful age of twenty-two. I am currently researching the correlation between my favorite text, Ulysses, and the impact it may potentially have had on the internet image-board forums known as /literature/ and /music/ on the site 4chan.org. I nurtured myself there as a teenager; I had finally found a place where people could truly appreciate the wondrous obscure as much as I - inevitably I became a moderator of both boards, declaring the atrocity of F. Scott Fitzgeralds (that old illiterate - excuse me briefly for this tangent, but did you know that he once wrote a letter and the original copy of the text I am about to mention to William Wordsworth, the famous poet laureate, and misspelled almost every word? Utterly disgusting) The Great Gatsby to be expunged from existence in both memory and actuality, with book burnings occurring worldwide at my decree. That abhorrent abomination has always been the arch-nemesis of literature; its mainstream popularity came into stark contrast with my /literature/ mannerisms. My most famous achievement, it must be said, was to approach the current prime minister, David Cameron (an old Etonian; how I wish I could have eviscerated his moronic brain from his body - how I would vitrify his spermatozoa and rub it all over his favorite plebeian literature). I asked the man if I had his permission to enforce that the word agglutinate should be used in every official confidential obligation or declaration, which the imbecile, of course, agreed to. With my intellectualism I will coerce the misguided politicians of my era to pursue a more cultured ideal, perhaps one that I myself may be able to pull the strings of the puppe- Cam Garden was stirred from his reverie at his desk at Henley College by the voice of his teacher asking him what his least favorite piece of literature was. Still dazed, he replies sleepily The Great Gatsby sucks. Lol. Realising his mistake, he stutters out that it was merely his personal opinion and that of course taste in literature was objective, as he had always believed. However, he could already feel the eyes of his classmates boring into him, with his teacher amidst a red haze shouting adjectives denoting the horror of his blasphemy. Comprehending that his dreams would soon be shattered, he retreats into his dreamlike realm, and repeats the fantasy he has always held, on a loop... The year is 2019. I have just finished my ultimate year at the prestigious institution known as Oxford University...
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 06:46:42 +0000
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