…. we like #7 the best! Happy Friday! Filthy Fifty, anyone?? SEVEN UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF CROSSFIT 1. Pavlovian Sweating Response: Your body now thinks that even gentle exercise is a warm up for another heinous WOD, and primes your sweat glands with enough liquid to quench a drought stricken lawn. Especially true on days when you are dressed nicely to for an important meeting, because nothing says success like a fully drenched French Blue button-down shirt. 2. Squat Butt: Its tight, its firm, its HUGE. Seriously Levi’s, are you listening? Squat Butt Denim Jeans. Extra points if I can actually do a squat in them. 3. An entire drawer of CrossFit affiliate t-shirts. You drop-in while traveling and they say “$20 for the workout, or $25 and you get a shirt too”. It’s like when the waitress at the airport bar says “make it a double for a $1 more”. Really, who says no to that? 4. BMI confusion. Your doctor proclaims you obese as your BMI, which does not account for lean muscle mass, is now something like 300. When you lift your shirt to display your finely chiseled abs, your doctor looks perplexed, lights another cigarette and orders of full panel of blood tests for you. 5. Obsessive Carbo-Phobia: Exemplified by the uncontrollable urge to rip the corn dog away from your fellow commuter train passenger, tear-off its corny cover and return to her a “healthy” naked hot dog on stick. BTW, the stick is ok to eat since wood has a very low GI number and is high in fiber. 6. Advanced Carbohydrate Special Forces Reflex…because corn dog lady’s second course is an entire of box of delicious looking Annie’s Cookies. The train suddenly goes dark, windows fly open, alarms ring. Chaos. A box of Nabisco product lies crushed and lifeless besides railroad crossing sign. As a mystified conductor wonders who pulled the emergency cord you are already miles away warming up for your next WOD. 7. WOD induced Mathematical Dissonance: A tragic condition that happens during heavy lifting sets in which blood rushes from your brain and into your muscles, leaving you gazing at bumper plates and muttering “45 plus 35 is, uh, 45, and 35, wait my bar is 45, and 35 is, like 25…..”. How many PR’s have you missed simply because you can’t count?
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 19:25:57 +0000
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