01. Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader. 02. Every great man was thought to be insane before he changed the world. Some never changed the world. They were just insane. 03. I dont fail. I succeed at finding what doesnt work. 04. Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its funnier. 05. When in doubt, do it. 06. A crappy life is a great excuse to live a crappy life. 07. Always apologize first--it annoys the crap out of people. 08. Losing builds character. You know who said that? A loser. 09. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs harder. 10. Theres a one-in six-billion chance that youll find your soulmate. And thats if theyre not dead. 11. Learn from your parents mistakes. Use birth control. 12. The government favors the most diplomatic language. Thats why any letter to them should always start with, Dear turkeys and foul maggots... 13. Everyone has an enemy. Its why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant. 14. Born free. Taxed to death. 15. I dont suffer from insanity--I enjoy every minute of it. 16. We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse. 17. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 18. Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesnt, youll be too hammered to remember. 19. If at first you dont succeed, then drag racing isnt for you. 20. Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, youll inhale a bee and die. 21. No problem is so big and difficult that it cant be blamed on somebody else. 22. Revenge is good. Its what separates us from the animals and the hippies. 23. Whenever youre pissed off, just remember that its better than being pissed on. 24. Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat. 25. God bless Canada But God, please help The United States
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 18:17:19 +0000
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