1-Karma may work but I think that b*tch takes a lot of days off 2-You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors. 3-Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off. 4-I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, You are my b*tch 5-Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now. 6-Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet.... 7-You dont know broke until youve rinsed off a paper plate. 8-Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus 9-Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be 10-I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness was inappropriate. 11-I know the voices arent real but they have some great ideas. 12-Sometimes Ill go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis. 13-Talking louder does not make you any less wrong. 14-Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out. 15-Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature...
Posted on: Sat, 19 Oct 2013 07:19:37 +0000
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