1-Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.” 2-Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee. 3- If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people. 4-I like surprises. Not the finger in my a$$ without permission kind, but flowers are always nice... 5-Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains. 6- It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally (you see, see what I did there. .) 7-You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom. 8- Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if youre hot. 9- Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong. 10- Its not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes, yes it is.... 11-Seeking one night stand... I might need two though, I do have a lot of books. 12- Fun in bathrooms that arent your own: I like to write Im watching you on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people. 13-Instead of “single” as a relationship option... it should read “independently owned and operated 14- Im at the what can I make with green beans and cake mix stage of needing to go grocery shopping....
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 06:45:44 +0000
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