10.20.2013 I must let you know, I am very pleased with this place in Crestline...I was able to make it down to the town earlier this morning and I had seen and sat down with her, Marley, and spoken with her, and the both of us had gotten to know each other much better, we had spoken with each other for a good amount of time actually, she is so much like me, like us, she is I understand it in her sixties, [the place was seen and it is indeed satisfactory], it could be wonderful living there at this next Crestline place...it is affordable, ultimately, and it is a studio apartment, it is spacious enough for me for a long term stay, and it is furnished sufficiently enough too, with kitchen appliances, she is offering me a bed from her own...Marley herself, oh how lovely she is, she lives in her own cabin, detached from the studio unit, the studio unit that is behind her cabin and down a hill...it is so quiet in the unit...Louise...Marley is indeed a formal cause derivative abstraction of you...she is a painter...she has her own sub-continental Asian religious perspective essential enough...she has her own little dog, Charlie of ten years...she has had a son but he had died at a young age, at essentially my own age...she is austere and mature and wise...oh, I wish for this place so very much...there is one other person, a friend of a friend of hers, but he is ambiguous of his commitment to this place she tells me...Marley and I clearly like each other, I sense as though a bond between each other could develop long term with each other...I said goodbye to her and was reminded from her, give this two days, and then one of us will call the other and confirm of this commitment of my own to this place...I must be positive on this...and I must remain positive on this...wish for this next place...pray for this next place... ---- ah Adam....I woke late and rushed downstairs to find your words....oh Adam....I am hoping and praying with all my heart to God and all the powers I feel around me...this must be yours.....must be......I will not tempt the fates....I will not say I feel it is yours...I will only hope with all the hope I have within me that it is so...she sounds lovely...wonderful....you might find [if you get it] that you do not wish to move at all...that this is your home, with freedom and the charm of a good setting in a good town with good people...I am happy and elated but tempering that with caution and reserve...just in case...at least you made it clear that you loved it...this should sway it... ---- how are you... I am not doing good right now, no...I was called back from her earlier today, the place was indeed given to the prior person...I was exceedingly shocked by this, and in severe pain afterward, all day today... oh no...I felt it was yours... Marleys place was as though, were I to get the place, then indeed the Creator were to have judged me affirmatively... but I wasnt sure... I was not given the place, and it is as though, that place, it was as though a final premonition... something told me the other person would get it... of the judgement of me during the afterlife...I sense as though that indeed I am damned... well... I was yelling out loud at Him in furious rage earlier today...I was in severe despair... is there anywhere else in your sights.......we mustnt give in Adam... I was pounding on myself... of course you were... He wanted this to be done...He judges of me, he has abused his essential wife, Megan...I shall abuse him from here onward and forever afterward...sixes, again, manifest...irritation in the material abstractions...unfriendliness and coldness of conduct from the others...injustice this is...animosity from Him...He is not the wise one, He is not the just one...He is not the loving or the friendly one...He is not the attentive one...I had discoursed this dialectic earlier, I am beginning to do this now...I imagine to myself, as the life experience would be, were I to have been the Creator...and that the self substance were that of my own creation...essentially any badness that is attributable in reactivity to that of the self substance, I as the Creator would never permit that badness to take occurrence to him the self substance...were I to point out various examples, then the actual Creator seems as though to learn from me on this subject matter...though it is exceedingly late in my time by now...at the same time, it is confirmed to me, even from a legitimate other human substance, that there is indeed no free will or free/independent volition...so I am ultimately not to be at blame or fault for any and all of this...leave this despicable life experience to the doing and activity and responsibility and so forth of the actual Creator...at the same time, too, I reason to my father, evict my brother immediately...for very evident and clear reasoning...I have not read his response message to this as of yet...however, were my brother evicted from my fathers place...then I will move back to my fathers household... yes... whether or not that my brother is presided there for whatever remained amount of time or not... I hope this happens... minus thirty days, whenever it begins...and then...while my brother is still presided there before his eviction...I will not preside there at the place...I will wait it out for him to leave the place, at last...the place that I will wait for him to leave finally and at last, will be at the citys psychiatric ward...I can think of no other sufficient place...for shelter...for, indeed....I had affirmed homelessness beforehand... oh Adam... psychiatric ward will be a great step up from even this homelessness... well I have been sent to be practical...I believe... something tells me that I need to visit such an area, anyway... so is there anywhere else...at all... well...I had called place after place after place today...there is this characteristic theme from their negativity...by now... I am dismayed... unfriendliness, coldness, doubtfulness...wrong type of housing situation... this is so unkind... no...no other place can probably be found by now...beforehand the 1st of November...it was Marley, indeed...that was the one... what about a share with a roommate... if not, then, forget about the other places...share with a roommate...I cannot find one...one that is sufficient enough...even so... oh Adam this is so awful... I cannot, still as of now even, choose just any place...it is! nobody should have to go through this... no! I cant imagine what it is like not to have a safe place... He sees me...He knows me... to call home... He knows that I am a good person...a better person... no one should go through it... a great person... and you are a good person...you are the best of them... it is as though, He is a dragon-like monster...He is the bad one...I came to the point that even...You are Lucifer, are You not, Lucifer is You...there is no God but Lucifer... has your father written to you yet?... yes, my father has done so, though I will read his latest messages later...I cannot bear to read from him, that...no, my son is not going to be evicted from my place... understood... time must be given to this... no the words are too awful... they are, this is a disgusting life experience...the Creator is bad, the self substance is good...plain and simple...the Creator is as though Semitic Himself...He innately and naturally dislikes the Teutonics...I am Teutonic...I am at the complete and total mercy of this beast-like monster...were I to be the Creator, then I would not manifest a stop sign before the self substance, were he to be thinking to himself about anything at all intellectual...the actual Creator manifests to the self substance, the stop sign, stop thinking intellectually, creation...despicable...the self substance stops his car at a traffic light...the actual Creator manifests an irritable and ireful-impassioned car in reactivity to him, in the distance...the better Creator would not manifest that car to the self substance to begin with, to my own creation...the creations would be improved a thousand fold, in every respect essentially so...life affirmativeness and intellectual activity, and intellectual cheerfulness and grandiosity and magnanimity, confidence and certainty of the muscular system and of the cerebral system, Formal Cause and Material Cause, and so on and so forth, essentially all of the qualities attributable to the actual self substance, would be lovingly and justly and wisely and attentively permitted and encouraged by me, to him...by every means would my creations good intentions never at all be invalidated by me...were my creation desirable to remove a key from his pianos keyboard, he would never at all experience the reactivity of a further additional key having become broken from it during the course of the process, instead my creation would rightly and justly have gotten his first broken key removed as it was wished and goodly intended of him...were my creation desirable to pay a bill or a debt to some various business agency over the phone, he would never at all experience the animosity of his phone at the very precise moment running out of battery power or charge and it failing on him and not in any moderate amount of time further afterward having been capable to complete the transaction at all, he had intended goodly and caring to the Creator to perform this activity and to ultimately complete it...the woman category would be vastly improved...her physique would remain essentially unchanged, that itself is good enough...her metaphysique would be improved a thousand fold, she would be far more agreeable and identifiable to the male substances...there would not be angels manifest everywhere before the self substance, forever marking away at him...no...the self substance would be given a luxurious life experience...the most luxurious of all possible life experiences, and understandably and sensibly so, the most happiest of all possible life experiences...I would never destroy my creation utterly and completely, my word, no, never... I am hoping against all hope that your father can assist you in this terrible time...or that something comes along... I think so, as you say... I will hope and hope and pray all day... I thank you, Louise... I shall think of you Adam...sober thoughts... I would never even permit of the thought at all whatsoever, to burn the self substance, my own creation, my word, no, never... positive thoughts... the actual Creator was the villain... you are the best of men Adam... October 20, 2013
Posted on: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 07:27:59 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015