10 Commandments of Elk Hunting I. Thou shalt be in shape, for elk dwelleth not in the flatlands, nor where there is oxygen. II. If thine ass resembleth 20 pounds of chewed bubble gum, bitter shall be thy lot. III. Thou shalt not whine that the pace is too swift, or that thou cannot get thy breath, or that thou seeest stars, for thy guide shall care not, and mercy shall not be yours.* IV. Thou shalt not stuff thy pack with all manner of goods. Thou needst it not, and it shall do naught but rob thee of thy breath and turn thy knees to Jello. V. Thou shalt not slam truck doors, nor speak above a whisper, nor tramp through the forests like the hosts of Gilead, for thou art in the backyard of thy foe the elk, and sharp are his senses, and he shall flee from thee. VI. Thou shalt practice thy offhand shooting, for that may be the only shot that thou receivest.** VII. Thou shalt learn to shoot as swiftly as the hawk flieth, and thou shalt not fiddle-f*** with thy gear, nor adjust thy scope, nor set up thy bipod, for thou hast not time. VIII. While the elk yet moveth, thou must shoot, for blessed is he who endeth the life quickly, and accursed is he who letteth an animal suffer for the sake of a one-shot kill.*** IX. Strong must be thy bullet; all else is but the dung of horses.**** X. The worst day thou shalt have hunting elk is better than the best day of whatever else thou doest.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 05:45:04 +0000
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