**20 Jokes That Only intellectuals Will Understand:** 1. Its hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. 2. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? 3. 3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks Do all of you want a drink? The first logician says l dont know. The second logician says l dont know. The third logician says Yes! 4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.lts Einsteins turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims Newton! I found you! Youre it! Newton smiles and says You didnt find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal! 5. A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said this is pointless and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out dont you see, youll never actually reach her?. To which the engineer replied, so what? Pretty soon Ill be close enough for all practical purposes! 6. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? the bartender asks. The Roman replies, lf I wanted a double, I would have asked for it! 7. Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, Five beers, please. 8. A logicians wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: So, is it a boy or a girl :> The logician replies: yes. 9. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, ld like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. The waitress replies, lm sorry, Monsieur, but were out of cream. How about with no milk? 10. Entropy isnt what it used to be. 11. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. 12. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 13. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if its funny or not? Godel replies, We cant know that because were inside the joke. Chomsky says, Of course its funny. Youre just telling it wrong. 14. Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and hejumps up shouting oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog! 15. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve noble gases here. He doesnt react. 16.Schr6dingers cat walks into a bar. And doesnt. 17. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything. 18. A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says we dont allow Higgs Bosons in here. The Higgs Boson then replies but without me, how could you have mass? 19. The programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. 20. Theres a band called 1023MB. They havent had any gigs yet.
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 05:40:18 +0000
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