#4133: My depression is coming back and Im terrified. I cant find meaning in the things I previously have and Im losing my motivation. I cant focus in class and Im having a hard time talking normally to people, even to my closest friends or even a casual greeting in Lils or even just to ask questions in class, because Im constantly on the verge of just bursting into tears. Ive started immersing myself in music and letting it drown out my thoughts. I dont know why Im suddenly so negative because I love this school so much and Im so grateful for the experiences its given me, but sometimes nowadays I just get an overwhelming feeling of darkness and hopelessness and cynicism that I cant really explain. Im sick of this high school-y crisis and disillusionment, and Im sick of using all my energy to constantly suppress the lump in my throat, especially during class when I know I need to focus. I dont want peoples pity and I do know people care about me, so I dont know why I still feel so lonely and helpless. I just know that the more I try to adjust my attitude the harder it gets to hold on. I know this is a bummer (sorry, thanks for letting me rant to you all), but I dont want the takeaway from this to be a cry for help. I just want everyone reading this to be more aware of themselves and of the people around them. Im BEGGING you to try to be the best person you can be all the time, and know that someone might appreciate it more than you know. Im at the point where a smile in my direction is enough to make my whole week better, and I know I cant be the only one. So please just be mindful of your attitude and actions and how they may affect others. We all have the capacity to be greatly impactful people in the most seemingly minute ways. Please dont ever forget that. And to other people who are suffering from depression, YOU CAN MAKE IT
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 15:07:11 +0000
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