5 months sober today! Feels good, better than Ive ever felt honestly in 9 years. Bethel Colony was a trip, a bit dogmatic and over-bearing, but I was able to obtain something essential to this go around of soberiety.I have been in and out of atleast 15 institutions, detox centers, transformation centers, rehabs, and the like... but they never ended up making me feel any better, or helped me to understand that why I did what I did for so long. Infact, rather strangely, they just compounded the problem... due to my own ignorance and unwillingness to change, or to the flawed structure and methods I cannot say. I think that is a moot point, anyway. I can only give my personal experience and opinons, and will never claim they are the only way. Through each facility, the term addict was driven into my mind deeper and deeper. I was imprinted with a helplessness, and eventually through the ritual of continued use and thoretical bullshit that was shoved down my throat I became convinced I was a hopeless addict, victim of a disease that I had since birth. Nothing has been more detrimental to my disease than the actual prognosis. Every time I left a facility, I felt I was doomed before I even left... And it gave me an excuse to go use again because I couldnt help it, I am an addict... and once an addict, always and addict. I write to you now to tell you this isnt true, and doesnt have to be no matter what position whoever is spewing this vemon to you is in! I am going out on a limb here and stating that a possible underlying issue of the rampid cause of addiction, I believe, is in the current cure itself! Whether the powers that be are aware of this or not is moot as well. This pure and honest feeling of freedom is better than any heroin Ive ever found. Even though one could say materialistically I have nothing currently, except for a uke and a backpack, I feel like a billionaire. I will leave this town tomorrow for Ashville where I will begin a new life from stratch with no fears or dark obessions
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 15:04:18 +0000
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