A Letter to George Osborne. Dear George I am writing this letter to you because I am aware your popularity has hit an all-time low, and I believe I may be able to help you. You see, I am a pensioner – a happy condition I am sure you are also looking forward to. The thing is that my pension is £155.22 a week, and I take this to be the amount the Government knows I can live on. I must confess it seemed like a meagre sum to me at first, but then I remembered I have not been educated at Eton –unlike your good self – so my financial understanding is shaky, to say the least. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not writing this to complain about my lot. Us pensioners should be grateful for this unearned life of leisure we live. I refer, of course, to those ‘Moaning Minnies’ who carp on about the elderly dying of cold because they have selfishly spent the generous Winter Fuel Payment you so kindly give them on food. To those leeches who sit on their fat, overfed backsides all day doing absolutely nothing but stuffing their faces with junk-food and cheap cider. To those Benefit Cheats who think a lack of limbs or a terminal illness precludes them from finding honest work. They complain loudly when you force them to pay their share of the deficit which was caused by them in the first place! Good for you, I say! And surely, using the layabout unemployed as free labour was a masterstroke! Also, cutting benefits to the bone and sanctioning as many claimants as you possibly can, forcing the idlers of this once-proud country into those plentiful jobs which are waiting to be filled, displays true Genius at work! Nor do I think you are the cold-hearted, innumerate fool some people say you are. I saw real tears at Saint Maggie’s funeral, and often genuine laughter in Parliament. As for being a financial dunce, who was it who took us single-handedly out of the world-wide recession caused by Labour and lifted us to our current position as the world’s leading economy? No, my idea is intended to raise you in the estimation of the whole country, who for some reason insist on blaming the Bankers and Corporate Tax Evaders for our present woes, instead of looking to the real culprits – Labour and the poor. Simply put, this foolproof idea is that you – for a period of, say, six months – live on the same generous Benefits your Government offer others. Spend the time jobhunting in an ex- Council flat, now in the hands of a private landlord, preferably on one of those so-called “run-down” estates in Jeremy Kyle-Land. Let the six months begin in late October so no-one can accuse you of taking the easy summer months. Leave your hard earned millions untouched and apply for all the benefits you are allowed. Whatever these drains on society may tell you, Job Centres and Social Security offices make for an exciting day out! There’s bound to be a library or internet cafe somewhere nearby where you can look for jobs all day, so you won’t be bored. I know the next bit will be hard, but do your shopping at Lidl or Tesco or Morrisons (these are vast “food halls” where some non-Eton people shop) and travel by public transport (this means ‘buses’, those big vehicles you see full of people, stopping at ‘bus stops’). Yes – I know this would be difficult, but no Harrods and no chauffeurs allowed! Just consider the advantages of such actions. Not only will you prove once and for all that it is easily possible to live on benefits, but you will be able to shine the light of Truth on all those Leftie liars who tell us the NHS, the Police and the Schools are all desperately underfunded and on the point of collapse, and that the rich are getting richer on the backs of the poor. You would be proclaimed the Hero of the Age, and would be able to get rid of those pathetic namby-pamby lapdog Liberal Democrats at the next election! UKIP supporters would realise you are the true ‘Man of the People’! Who knows – even the keys to No 10 may await you! I trust you will give this little idea of mine your most serious consideration. Yours Sincerely Barry Derbyshire (retired)
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 10:13:15 +0000