A Tale of Two Pictures ~or~ How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Shockmaster Today I did my first solo hike - Ramsey Cascades in the GSMNP. Which, in retrospect, was a bit outside of my skill range. Quite a bit, honestly. Ill have pictures up in a bit, but it nearly all up and nearly all rocks. Each time I would start aching or get out of breath I would allow myself a short rest, then start back up. Always, up - always hearing the rushing water just paces away. At one point, though, my legs were aching so much that even climbing over a single root overwhelmed me. I had taken three sit down breaks in 15 minutes. I was done. I lay on a rock, trying to wait out the cramps. But I couldnt anymore, it was too much. And then it hit me, I was scared. Terrified. I was so scared that I was going to have to give up, which used to be all I did. There was no other option, only to start back down, not knowing how close I had come to finishing. I took a picture [the non cascades one] as a private reminder of what giving up felt like, and as a promise that I would conquer the hike at a later time. Just as I was collecting myself, a couple came up the trail. Normally on a hike I will just give a brief acknowledgement to fellow hikers, and let them go on their way. However, my curiosity got the better of me, so I had to ask how much longer the hike was. Turns out they had a measurement, and the spot we were at was .3 miles from the end. She smiled at me and said only .3 left, whats up there has to be worth all this. I froze. She made so much sense it hurt a little, so I gathered myself and kept pushing. Knowing that I was close, knowing I was nearly done made everything seem so much easier. I didnt even notice the ache. It was worth it. I sat in front of the roaring cascades for several minutes, and just let myself go, and let everything else I had not addressed out to myself. The second picture is after that. Proof to myself I did it. We convince ourselves we have to go it alone, that no one else can understand what we are going through. There is truth to that, others through the lens of their own experience may not understand the exact details of our struggles. But have you considered they dont have to? It is exhausting to keep pushing, without any idea as to when we will be able to stop. This is why we need each other, to have someone else take a different view and let us know where we are. Like me, I believe you will find that you might be closer to your goal than you think. That you are more of that person you want to be than even you realize. Let someone else help you find where your trail ends. Thank you for all the messages and texts, while there was no one specific issue it means a lot to have received such support, and I hope to return the favor when and how I can. I want to especially thank Allie Weaver, Kyla Flemming, Jen Rodgers, Jasmine Nassar, Kat Nassar, Alicia Morgan, Naomi Lynn Ferguson and Brandi Sawyer for your patience with me and for your advice and insight. Special thanks to Christina Picquet, Stephy Sunshine, Waya Ricker-Bell for feeding me Chicken pot pie, brownie fruit delight, and chocolate cake respectively. P.S. Who is the Shockmaster, you ask? When I was having one of my worst attacks, watching the debut of the most...umm... unique character ever conceived was the only thing that could make me laugh. Its like kryptonite to sadness. I will post it as a comment.
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 01:11:14 +0000
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