A couple of weeks ago, I went with my youth group to see the movie Gods Not Dead. Its a great movie but there was one scene that brought me to tears. (This isnt a spoiler alert!) One of the characters is diagnosed with cancer and her reaction is just gut wrenching. At least it was for me. Like I said, I cried the first time I saw the movie. Last night, Joe and I saw it and again when that scene happened, it just hurt my heart. It really got me thinking about my own diagnosis and the days and weeks that followed. I can honestly say I never had a moment where I cried and screamed uncontrollably and just lost it. I can remember most of that day pretty clearly. I knew my diagnosis before my family and didnt say a word. When my mom, Joe and aunt heard the doctor say it, I kept a strong front and wouldnt cry. I told my mom, This is my pivotal circumstance. Gods got this. When Joes cousin asked if it could be shared on Facebook because people were asking, my answer was absolutely, we need people praying now. When they took me into the delivery room and I knew there was a good chance I wouldnt make it out alive, I just repeatedly said, Its in your hands God, until I drifted off into lala land. The days and weeks that followed were hard. I had days where I cried because of the pain. The night my hair started falling out, I had a vain moment and had a breakdown. (Thanks Sue for getting me through that one!) But I wasnt ever mad. I didnt have a pity party. I wholeheartedly trusted that God had a plan. And last night, as I watched the scene unfold again, I realized thats what faith can do. The woman in the movie didnt believe in God. Shes had no network of people praying for her. Do I have that unfailing faith in every aspect of my life? No. I wish I did. And Im trying. But in that moment, when I needed it most, I had complete faith in God. And honestly, I dont know how people who dont believe in God get through something as tragic as a cancer diagnosis. Even as recently as today, God has shown me that He did have a grand plan for me and my story. Today our pastor introduced me to a woman recently diagnosed with leukemia. I know shes going to be just fine too. Not because she has an easy road ahead. Far from it, in fact. But because she has faith that God will lead her through it. Thats what faith can do.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 22:45:29 +0000
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