A must readšš The first thing I would like to mention before getting into this article is that perfect relationships DO NOT exist, this isnāt a fairy tale, itās real life and with that comes a lot of ārealā feelings and events that may make you think your relationship is suffering but it isnāt, itās just life, itās natural and youāll be able to be in a strong and successful relationship as soon as you realize nothingās perfect (not even two people who think theyāre perfect for each other). Simply put, relationships are not easy, relationships require a lot of effort from both sides at a constant rate. We arenāt talking about flings here, we are talking about emotions, purity, the need of the other person, a true and strong relationship. I was provoked to write this piece when a friend of mine came to me asking for help, he was going through a very minor fight with his girlfriend and he wanted to know if itās normal, because theyād been together for over two years and he thought fights arenāt a normal part of relationships. Do you sometimes wonder if your relationship is suffering? Then continue reading on as I explain the 10 habits of a successful couple and these are the things you should already be doing, if not, start doing them for yourself and your partner. So sit back, relax, maybe grab a cub of your favorite coffee and letās begin. 10. Love & cherish each otherās differences Happiness in a relationship is achieved when youāre interdependent with each other, when you learn each otherās differences and cherish them for each and every one of those differences. As always, Iāll speak about myself here because I donāt like giving out general examples and I like being personal with you guys. Me and my lady, we are very happy together, but we do have an insane amount of differences. I, for one, watch a lot of TV shows that she just simply despises. Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Mad Men etc. are just to name a few. We donāt have the same eye for colors either, Iāve studied Color Theory so whenever we go shopping, I start telling her why certain color would look good on her, but her taste in color is completely different, so I let her shop on her own grounds. These differences are why I actually love her so much, because sheās proud of her differences and Iām proud of her for not trying to change for me. I guess we are at a point where we donāt really have to say it, that comfortable silence is insanely hard to achieve with someone. We know just how crazy we both are and we love each other for it. You should NEVER try changing yourself for anyone, find someone who loves you for how they found you and not what they can mold you into. 9. Check with yourself before āassumingā Ever notice how the word āassumingā starts off with āassā? Thatās because you immediately become an āassā if you assume too much without giving it any reasonable justification. Assumptions are very harmful for every relationship because they act like a slow-acting poison, they start off being harmless but they slowly damage the relationship from its core and finally get strong enough to cause major issues between you and your partner. Your partner hasnāt been in your shoes, they canāt really know the pain youāve suffered in the past (even though they try to), they canāt empathize with you on your past because youāre the one who suffered it all. Iāll try explaining this better with an example. You all know I went through a very difficult past, so itās safe to say that Iām a little too sensitive about some things that my girlfriend would deal very normally with. Now what do I do in these situations? Do I start assuming that my girlfriend doesnāt have any feelings? Do I assume that she canāt āfeel for meā? Or, if we kick it up a notch, do I start assuming that she doesnāt truly love me because she canāt be sensitive about the things Iām sensitive about? No, just NO! I know she isnāt sensitive about certain things that I take a little too seriously because she never went through that pain, so I canāt burden her with the weights of my past and I need to learn that she thinks the same way about certain things too. Assumptions are bad, give each other enough room to breathe if you trust them enough and donāt assume. 8. Know theyāre not mind readers Most movies and TV shows have made this āmind readingā thing pretty famous, the very untrue fact that people in relationships can read each otherās minds, they canāt. We are all human, we have mood swings, we have happy moments, we have sad moments, and sometimes they only take split seconds to change, itās not humanly possible for anyone (no matter how close they are to you) to always know what youāre feeling at that specific moment, and thatās where the need to communicate properly comes in. Yes, sometimes itās obvious, sometimes the feelings are just so overpowering that our faces show them before we can say them, and hence our partners know somethingās wrong, but most of the time we expect them (wrongfully) to just know if somethingās wrong with us without us saying it. Donāt think like that, because itās not normal. If somethingās bothering you, tell them, donāt always expect them to be your resident psychic. For example, if Iām feeling bad about something and my girlfriend is in a happy mood. I NEVER expect her to just know somethingās wrong with me, this is different in my case since Iām a very emotional person and if somethingās bothering me, it just very clearly shows up on my face, and she understands somethingās wrong. But for people who have a little more control over their emotions, itās harder to tell if somethingās wrong and thatās when you need to say it instead of expecting them to magically know it and then later get angry at them for not knowing something they never knew in the first place. 7. Try being in each otherās shoes Time and again, you need to try stepping in each otherās shoes to really feel whatās going on. The key to every happy and strong relationship is being interdependent on each other, and this helps A LOT in that case. I was about to receive a very important business call, something that was very life-changing for me, my girlfriend went blank for a second and then started prepping me for the talk all of a sudden. After the call was done, I asked her why she went blank, and she said āI started imagining myself in that situation and I started thinking of ways to prepare myself and started feeling the pressureā, now wasnāt that sweet? This isnāt that hard to do either, itās not going to kill you to try experiencing what theyāre going through, just put yourself in their position and youāll know what to do and how to handle the situation. Thatās how strong relationships stay strong and survive. 6. Know the importance of personal growth People in strong and healthy relationships know the importance of personal growth. Theyāre your significant other, you share a life with them, itās very scary and very sweet at the same time and itās very rewarding when you work on each other. Try your best, more than your best, to make each other grow, to help each other become stronger, to enhance each othersā way of life. Support your significant other in their struggles and hardships, always be there for them when they feel like theyāre not going anywhere and tell them why they are okay and donāt need to be scared of anything. I myself used to be someone who just wouldnāt let go of the past, not past relationships but the past I suffered because of my dad. So my girlfriend tried her best to make me stop thinking about my horrible past whenever anything remotely bad starts to happen, because I had a habit of doing that. I used to instantly start thinking about my dad as soon as any bad situation came up, and she finally brought me out of that dark place. Now I just face my problems head on without blaming my dad or my past, because everything happens for a reason. So play your part strongly in each othersā lives. 5. If youāre going to assume, assume the best Like I said in the 9th part of this article, assumptions are a big no no, but theyāre actually quite healthy if you always assume the best of intentions. Life isnāt easy, it makes us go through a lot of challenging situations, especially when we are in a relationship with someone, so in bad situations, itās always safe to assume that your SO meant the best of intentions and donāt assume the worst. Great couples overcome a lot of challenging scenarios by making a habit out of assuming the best. This point might seem weak to some people but itās funny how this one thing can lead to a lot of negativity. Hereās an example, so I planned to go out on a date with my girlfriend and she canceled it last minute. Now hereās what I would assume if Iām assuming the worst: Is she too busy for me? Does she not love me anymore? Is she seeing someone else/cheating on me? And the list gets worse and worse as we go on. But I assume the best, I knew she would never do anything to intentionally hurt me so I just stayed patient and waited for her to say something. Hardly five minutes later, she told me her mother had to go shopping with her and she couldnāt say no. And she wasnāt lying about that either. See, assuming the best always saves you from a lot of painful and socially awkward situations, always assume the best if you trust them with everything you have. 4. Maintain a strong rapport You need to be a person who makes their partner believe that they understand them. A strong rapport is very important in healthy relationships, the comfortable silence that I talk about a lot is also a part of this. If you make a mistake and it hurts your partner, make sure you let them know that you understand why theyāre hurt and why youāre sorry for making them feel that way. Hereās an example from my own life: So I overslept a little too much one day and I was supposed to meet my girlfriend and her friends for a hang out she had been planning for weeks, so I showed up very late. I knew how hurt she was because of my tardiness and she still said āitās okayā. So I openly told her, I told her it was completely my fault, I told her itās not easy to arrange a hang out with eleven different people who live at different parts of the city and itās definitely not easy to arrange everything, I told her I understand her pain and I apologized. The smile that was on her face after I said all of those things was just priceless, because she knew I know what she felt, and achieving that state of mind is very difficult but also very rewarding. Itās all about being selfless and knowing how your actions affect others and owning up to those actions. 3. Know how and when to reconnect Strong couples always come out of fights stronger than ever, they donāt let fights and arguments create any gaps or distances between each other. The key is to remember exactly why you love them so much, even if your mind is telling you to hate them during an argument, fight the need to keep being angry and just think of all the good times and happy moments, this always works for me when Iām having an argument with my girlfriend. We recently had sort of a big fight, it went on for a good half hour, then we both went to sleep (or tried to). It was pretty obvious that I wasnāt going to sleep when I know sheās sad and she knows Iām sad too, so after like ten minutes, I called her up. She was crying, she knew the argument would end up harming us to we told each other how much we loved each other and forgot the fight. Itās that simple. Do NOT let arguments (no matter how big or small) create any distance between you two, fix issues quickly and know when to reconnect. Donāt always wait for the other person to start talking first, do it yourself, if you know them and you trust them completely, you probably know how much pain theyāre in simply by knowing how much pain youāre in. 2. Properly nurture the relationship People in healthy relationships always take enough time out of their busy schedules to nurture each other and hence they nurture their relationships. A strong relationship is like any good car, itāll give you an awesome mileage and wonāt have any breakdowns as long as you keep it maintained and taken care of, what happens if you stop the tune ups and monthly checkups? Eventually, the car (which was awesome at first) starts showing signs of problems, and if you keep ignoring those signs, itāll eventually break down when you most need it. So keep your relationship in check, always take the time out for the betterment and health of your relationship, like Iāve said many times before, āWe are all busy, itās all about prioritiesā. So your relationship needs to be high up that priority list, no matter how busy you are. I, myself, am quite a busy person, but I make it seem like my business is a walk in the park when I meet my girlfriend. Now of course she knows itās not a walk in the park and she keeps asking me to make sure my work isnāt suffering, but I always tell her this one line that just makes her smile: āAs long as my relationship is healthy, as long as youāre happy, Iāll keep succeeding in life, so donāt worryā, That was true word for word and it works because knowing that my girlfriend is happy with me is important to me. It fills me up with a lot of positive energy that directly impacts my work. So take out the time, itāll be worth it. 1. Make it work, no matter what You know how healthy and strong couples stay together for longer than the usual people? People they make it work, no matter what. They know what they asked for, they know relationships arenāt easy, they know they are going to be responsible for each othersā lives and happiness and everything else that comes along with it, they just never quit. Life is going to throw a lot of problems at you, what are you going to do? Leave them and run away or face them head on and conquer them? Do not give up on your relationship, itās a constant struggle but itās worth every second of it. Be realistic about things, understand that you will argue a lot (every normal couple does), understand that you probably wonāt agree on a lot of things, understand that you might hate each other during the fights, but also understand how much you love them and why you chose to be with them and never forget. Thatās it for this one guys, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, I write from the heart and I use my own relationship as an example so you guys might connect with me in a more personal way. If you guys have anything to add, something I left out or downright donāt know about, comment your thoughts in the comment box below. Stay strong and keep the love alive!
Posted on: Sat, 13 Dec 2014 16:10:24 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015