A passive-aggressive way of sending a target a message that theyre not one of the special people in the world is to purposely talk about others in an obviously very elevated way. Something like can you imagine what its like to be a REAL chef, like those people who compete on that show? They are SO talented, they work SO hard, they must have been doing it all their lives...etc. etc. to a person whom they are well aware has been a gourmet cook for a long time, or a professional chef, or who is in school to be a chef, or who aspires to be a chef. The message is obvious, THEY have real talent and ability, youre not one of them, youre not on their level. Youre one of the little people who is not destined for anything that could be considered important, or that would warrant recognition. The second part of this BAIT tactic is you REACTING to the obvious insult. This is what they want. They want you to FEEL their not-so-subtle put-down, and they want to KNOW that you felt it. (Most likely theyve been doing this same thing to others since they were kids, and are well-practiced to the point of normalization, probably much moreso than you are at deflecting, ignoring, or giving it back to them in a glib way.) So when you say What do you mean by that? Did you forget that Im a chef? They get to say things like Oh, no, I wasnt talking about YOU, dont be so sensitive! I was talking about those people on TV! (Like that makes any sense, but theyll say it anyway). If you press it, since theyre reply made no sense, THEN they get to say You cant be so sensitive/reactive/hostile/emotional... or Those people are REALLY good at it... they take it very seriously... theyve gone to the best schools... etc. etc. Remember that when dealing with a person who has Bully, domination, envy, or inferiority-superiority issues, they LIKE TO INSULT anyone they feel envious of or resentful toward, they are TRYING to cause an emotional reaction in their targets, and they are TRYING to cause others nearby to view the target as lesser. If they can get the target to defend themselves or show an emotional reaction, ALL THE BETTER, because then they can go to phase 2, accuse the target of emotional instability and sensitivity, or even of ego and control issues! And especially good for them if others are watching (or reading it in social media comments)! Phase 3 could be anything from them using phase 2 as an excuse to have a rage meltdown, or as an excuse to trash the targets reputation and get others to turn on the target, or as an excuse to devalue and discard the target. (This is what they do, try to DIMINISH those they resent, envy, fear, are jealous of, are competing with, who they think see through them, who they have betrayed, used, or abused, or who they feel intimidated by. ~ Many of them have been doing it for so long that its automatic, the above list literally triggers them to these behaviors with no thought or planning, it has become a hardwired reaction to feelings of envy, jealousy, intimidation and fear.) Its worth noting that there ARE people who will say things like this out of genuine ignorance or a lack of awareness, who honestly arent trying to insult a person. They may not KNOW that the other person is a chef or wants to be a chef, or they may have some kind of cognitive or memory issue where they honestly dont remember. This is about those who are obviously aware of the persons interests, passions, talents, skills, goals, assets, and accomplishments. Another common and obvious example: I wonder what its like to be SUPER HOT like those models, or like such and such actress... can you imagine? ...said TO a woman, especially to one who is young and attractive, or older and attractive, or who feels that she is NOT very good looking, or who aspires to be a model or an actress, or who IS a model or an actress, or who is about to get married and is worried about her weight, or who is pregnant... etc. etc. Another important note is that many who do have some form of Narcissism are actually delusional, so even if someone were to record what they said and play it back, and carefully explain why what they said was even slightly insulting or at the very least inappropriate, they probably would simply KEEP DENYING it, saying that its not what they meant, or even not what they SAID, and keep trying to either justify or twist what they said to make it come out differently. Many who have the disorder appear to be apparently PHOBIC about admitting they did something wrong, and about getting caught, or being seen as not perfect or not justified and will try to twist reality itself in their favor.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 06:39:51 +0000