Abbotts new Government takes shape...... As part of a budget move, Treasury announced that they’d be using abacuses in all future calcutions, citing their potential for reducing emissions, as well as the cost saving of replacing batteries. In a further move, the Health Minister, Mr Peter Dudton has announced that he’ll also be taking a more “hands-on” role in health. This won’t actually involve him personally. but he’ll be encouraging the “laying of on of hands” as a first step by all medical practioners. A spokesman for Mr Dudton said that it was a method that had been successfully appled for thousands of years and was still being used in many parts of the world. “It’s cheap and it’s easy, and if it doesn’t work we can always apply the leeches later.” The spokesman explained that Mr Dudton was unable to make the announcement himself due to Mr Abbott’s ban on ministers speaking without prior approval, and also because no-one in his Department had actually ever seen him. The Minister for Communications, Mr Malcolm Bullturner, announced that he favoured face to face communications and as such would not be taking calls or answering emails. When asked if this would make it difficult for people to contact him, he excused himself and shut the door. The Minister assisting the Prime Minister for Woman (See above. Apparently misreported as “Women” in some newpapers – a further reason to exclusively teach “phonics” in schools) , Senator Cash issued a recipe book and announced that her department was working on some very helpful tips for keeping your man happy when he comes home from a hard day at work. “A touch-up on your make-up before he gets home can work wonders,” she said. A press release on Research and Development announced that as the Government knew everything, there was little need for any R & D funding in the future. “If the Government were to ever find itself in a position where it was unsure, Mr Abbott has a hotline to Archbishop Pell, who has the advantage of infallability on his side.” When it was put to the Prime Minister’s office that it was the Pope who was the one who was meant to be infallable, we were told that we clearly hadn’t talked to George Pell. The Minister for Science was non-existent for comment. The Ministries for Ageing and Youth have been combined, therefore cancelling each other out, leaving a minister free to ensure the smooth transition to the tried and true practices of the past. while the Minister for Secrecy and Keeping News of The Front Page assured us that he didn’t exist.
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 23:52:14 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015