Absolute mega frustrating afternoon.., Ceaser – that’s me dad .., has a British Passport but me mum Surinder still holds onto her Indian one, coz to do otherwise, means getting an Indian visa stamped on her British passport every time she wants to see her loved ones in India.., Which as a side-line in consular entertainment means my luscious mum being gag-bound and molested by the leery male leather-gloved gimps with hyperactive wrists at the Immigration Desk at Delhi Airport whilst her ever so-loyal driver looks on from land-side; with a dripping wet tongue. (True Story) This summer, mother and my niece wanted to travel to Vancouver, Canada to see her sister for my niece’s vacation. So three weeks ago, I completed the visa online application form and submitted the form to the Canadian Embassy, informing them that my loved ones needed to travel by the second week of August so my niece and me mum could at least have three weeks over there with her cousins before school starts back in the UK .., I was told that the visa would be done in 11 days – that was fine with me. I also applied for an American Visa at the same time, because as Vancouver is only a few miles from the US border, and with me mum being Indian and thus carrying the genetic gene called ‘ HOW MUCH !!, I GIVE YOU ONE DOLLAR, BLOODY BASTARD AND NO-MORE !!! ’.., She knows full well that the price of coconut oil is 5 cents cheaper per bottle in the States, she will thus save herself a few dollars when she brings it back in her suitcase by the triple dozen.., Now America has a lot to fear from those attempting to enter its borders.., partly due to jealousy by outsiders over its might and power and more so because of its use of military war in unjust means as well as righteous acts when fighting evil over the right for the greater good for the occupants of this planet. Thank You America 4 the latter. Yet even with so many enemies trying to create chaos & disorder (last three previous words are a Prince Song Title that I wanted to get in this piece for a £5 bet with me mate – Yeah we fly !).., the US Embassy only asked for four simple documents to be completed and me mother’s visa was shipped to our home within 6 days !!!! Yet bloody high command in Canada High Commission, from me wanted more paper than a middle-aged woman from Kilburn uses as emergency swabs.., down there when she on her monthly cycle…, I couldn’t understand why so much information was required from us, what does Canada have to fear from aliens entering its boundaries – they NEVER partake in the fight against terrorism or the right to free human beings from the clutches of terrorists and their machetes.., ok ok they send a couple of soldiers as a token but never a hard-core battalion! These check-shirt-wearing free-loading dociles in roller skates - piggy back on world safety without cost - from the courageous acts of the brave soldiers from Europe and America, that lay their lives on the line to provide us with the freedom to do what we want with our lives. And what does Canada give us as a thank-you for not having to shed blood but still getting world peace and at the same time terrorism away from its borders: Justin Bieber .., Hear me now people.., It’s all about greed with Canada without the requirement of doing the donkey work to achieve it ! Canada has no industrial base and is primarily a resource based economy. Its’ citizens have the highest consumer debt ratio in the modern world and now its’ house prices are falling. They basically blew economic reform and promoted quantative easing without thought and now those free years of cheap credit and no banking reform and/or regulation is going to hit them hard compared to America and Europe who somewhat tried to alleviate the financial muscle aided by manipulation and creation of illegal financial instruments by wankers ..sorry I mean bankers .., I gotta bring up one thing.., I come back to the visa story in a minute … A few years ago, I was in Bombay and I had a week to kill, so I came across this charity that helps kids from the slums by renovating their homes and giving education to the kids at the same time. I still today sponsor a brother and sister who have learning difficulties from those areas - great kids who I met whilst working out there.., Those lovely little kids in Mumbai have absolute nothing but no matter how unfortunately small - life has thrown at them, they always have a smile on their faces ! At the charity office in a back street in Mumbai, I decided to sign up for a week’s work. Low and behold – this charity was sponsored by a Canadian company which meant I had to wear a lime green t-shirt with their logo stamped on both sides, whilst I laboured my sweat and toil for free under the hot balmy sun looking like a piece of wet turd in guacamole. Not only that, but what really got my juices flowing was that in order to provide my services for free, I had to pay the charity dollars to share a wet mattress on a floor in a building whose floors made the side alleys of Amsterdam look like Dorothy skipping under the rainbow along the yellow brick road. I found out later that the extortionate sleeping charges were being sliced from the top by the Canadian officials – where two points on the margin (that’s gangster finance speak) was being sent back to the Canadian Sponsor’s headquarters in some place called Winnie Winnebago, Ontario. Never send money to a charity without checking its regulated accounts under the ‘Administration Charges’ Column – that’s all I’m sayin’ “..Hang on, so you want me to denote my free time working in the hot Mumbai sun for 7 hours a day on my holidays, wearing a lime green shirt that meant my ample frame was giving free sponsorship to a Canadian company that made Value Range Maple Syrup and for that privilege, I have to pay $250 dollars to share a room with Canadians who think an evening out is drinking root beer, dressed in checked shirts, demeaning the nation of the United States of America whilst talkin bout the merits of the Christian fellowship .. “ “Yeah that’s right “ Undeterred, although now my holiday had as much hope as a lesbian in a room full of gay men, I decided to sign up to work there for a week, but I opted instead for the lush surroundings of the Hilton on Juju Beach a few miles away, where the Bollywood stars reside and to rub the faces of the officials who were trying to charge me ridiculous monies for ½ star accommodation, I instead spent my money on hiring a driver for the week, who would chauffeur me in and out of the complex for my shift patterns .. You should have seen their faces as the driver opened my door for me as I jumped out of the back in my Louis V shorts and t-shirt… The kids were wonderful though...but the Canadians who I was working with couldn’t lift a condom off a tranny, they sat there talking about how hockey was a big time sport and you guessed it .. did not lift a finger when it came to hard work …, Back to the visa story .. Well it has been 20 days since I submitted the application and the only way to raise an issue with them about their broken promise of it being turned around in 11 days, was to go through their contact web-form on the High Commission Web Page – which by-the-way looks like it was designed by the same guy, that did their fashion sense – but that has been broken for the past two weeks and there is no way of contacting the embassy – they just don’t want to pick up the phone or answer an email .. lazy officials.., believe me … they be no good in a war .. we best without them. Finally, through some nudge-nudge-wink-wink tactics, I got a message through to them that I was not best pleased and that I was connected. Low and behold within 24 hours, I got an email at work today saying that my mother could have a visa and that they wanted my mother’s passport so they could stamp it. However I also had to travel uptown to the visa office in Paddington with my mother as I had counter-signed the online form, claiming I filled it in on her behalf - as although my mother has been in this country since the age of 17, the poor thing still having trouble with distinguishing between ‘were’ and ‘wear’ So I dropped everything at work, picked up my mother and we headed to the visa office and when we got there, we were told that the passport isn’t stamped there and then, but that it had to go across a few miles in London to the High Commission for the official stamping .., I said I could run down there and save the bother. I needed the visa now as their holiday is being delayed. But no, it has to be handled by the Canadian Transmission Passport service for a hefty fee and it will take 7 days to walk a few miles and get the stamp on the passport and get it back to me mum !! I blew a fit and being quick on my feet, I did something that will make the passport get back to me mum a bit quicker with her Canadian visa stamped on it than the 7 days although in order to avoid being charged with perjury by the Canadian govt. I can’t divulge what I did … However, now due to the delay further extended by a few days because of their reluctance to get off their arse and work in a timely fashion - it means me mum and me niece will only get two weeks in Canada …, The Canadian High Commission probably done them a favour !
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 19:15:24 +0000
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