Adventures Inside Ryans Head: Episode 31 I made the mistake of shopping inside a sporting goods store today. I didnt actually intend to buy anything; I just saw attractive people going in and coming out even more attractive, and was curious. Do NOT make the same mistake. The first thing that happens to you when you walk inside is you all the pretty people in sporting goods store uniforms, walking back and forth between rack after rack of silky soft sports shirts. They seem to dance around the polyester/cotton blend, and their movements say come hither and shop. The overhead music is loud and cool and fast and it makes you want to start exercising right away. I saw several unfortunate souls running laps around the perimeter of the hunting supplies, and they were still there when I left, caught in an endless loop of fitness and fashion. I fear they shall be there until they collapse of exhaustion, malnutrition, and withered credit scores. I saw a watch, and I wanted it. I didnt need it, and I didnt want it until I saw it. But it was cool and I was listening to cool music at the time, so buying it made sense. And the dancing associates praised me for my grand choice in wristwear, and I could feel my soul exiting slowly through my exposed ego. And then there was the cashier. Gods, the cashier! Sultry and alluring in her red polo shirt and khaki pants, her chipper voice and demeanor could barely contain the smoldering demoness underneath. The immortal succubi of Sports Authority had employed their most talented professional to upsell me at every turn. Like the hypnotic hiss of Medusas serpent locks, her hair brushed playfully over her shoulder as she asked me if I didnt need a new exercise shirt and some running shoes as well. And in that moment, Ive never needed anything more. Thank God for credit limits! Lest I be running laps around the canoes, as well... Do not shop there! I only barely escaped, but even now I can feel the sirens song of For The Weekend Only Discounts and Going Out Of Stock sales pulling me back, as we speak! Fall not for the cardiovascular delights of the Sporting Goods Succubi! On an unrelated note, my new watch goes soooooo well with my new Nike shorts. I cant wait to go to the gym and show them off. :D
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 01:44:13 +0000
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