After living outside of Jonesboro on my own, for little more than a year, I feel as though Ive made some very essential changes to my life. For one, I feel much better about my life as a whole. I hated living in Arkansas and felt like there were a lot of people that made my outlook on life less than pleasant, but Ive also grow creatively from this separation. As of late, I realize that my ability to play my instruments has grown substantially since coming to MTSU. This isnt just a small addition of a few new tricks in my arsenal. My playing feels more organic and natural as compared to how I used to approach the Bass guitar or any other instrument. I listen to how I used to sound and feel like I was much more mechanical. I picked up drums again after not playing for a number of years and came to find that in just playing around for a few minutes I was able to accomplish much more complicated techniques than I was originally able to perform, such as double bass patterns and blast beats. The difference that really stood out to me was my confidence and a sense of freedom that I hadnt known in Jonesboro. Playing bass in Ringleader was a great experience for the most part, but there were a lot of underlying tensions and expectations that limited my confidence in myself. The politics of being in a band can somewhat kill creative freedom. There was a lot of arguing about what bands where good bands to listen to and if you liked a band that wasnt communally accepted, then you should probably shut up about it. I participated in this myself but see in retrospect how damaging that was to my whole approach on what I could bring to writing in regards to influences. By leaving that kind of environment behind, I feel able to play how I want to play and express what I want to express. Part of this is credited towards forcibly having to except new outlooks on music and life because of my lack of social contacts at MTSU. When I first relocated here, I didnt know anyone at all but I slowly began to discover friends that I feel like I actually connect with. They didnt always like what I liked but we grew by not shunning our differences. Ive come to enjoy many bands that I feel like I never would have enjoyed had a remained in Arkansas. Most of my friends are musicians and weve all played on our respective instruments in front of each other and I felt more free in expressing myself in a place where I wouldnt be judged and didnt a stereotypical expectation forced upon my playing. Ringleader was a band of growing experience for me, but it felt like my playing was fitted into a stereotype that I couldnt branch out from. Thats not bashing the band at all, but, all the same, its how I felt. My place of residence can be put in the same category. Sense I had first started playing, it felt as if I could never play at full velocity. Ive found that I can pick harder and finger pick harder than most other people Ive ever heard. However, in my old house loud volumes werent acceptable. In leaving the nest I didnt feel constrained by the rules of my parents. In a dorm you have to mind your neighbors but I lived in the Recording Industry Dorm where everyone is playing something all the time, so I was able to experiment with a more natural volume of playing that wasnt previously attainable. These changes to my musical background are what ultimately led to my shift in mood. Music has always been a huge part of my life but now I feel like Ive found a home for myself within the sonic spectrum of sound. Being in a place where I feel more comfortable has allowed me to expand as a person in both music and mentality. Im still a huge cynic and realist but I feel as though the hate for myself and surroundings has dissipated and I have a more focused view on where I should actually be directing my anger. This is a thanks to everyone thats helped me along the way and to all my friends who have tolerated my insecure existence up to this point. Its also an apology to all of those that Ive misjudged in the past and hurt.
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 02:39:08 +0000
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