Alan: Ah. I wouldn’t go in there for a bit. Leave it about fifteen minutes. I must say, I’m tremendously excited by all this. Jill: My sister’s got this bed linen. Alan: Oh yeah? Does she live in a travel tavern? Jill: No, she’d like to. It’s nice, innit? Alan: No, it’s a bloody nightmare. Jill: Is that for me, Alan? Alan: That, oh God no! No, I always put my money there in the evening. No, if it was you could add a zero to that. It’s seven pounds six. Jill: Seventy quid? Alan: Well, no, double it. Jill: It’s still cheap! Alan: I’m not haggling! I was trying to pay you a compliment, unless I’ve grossly misread the situation. It was my understanding in the lift that no money would change hands. Jill: I’m all yours. Alan: Er, do you mind if I turn the light out? Jill: Well can’t you just dim it a bit? Alan: Yeah, OK. [Slowly dims the light until it is completely dark. From now on we hear only their voices.] Bit more… bit more… how’s that? Jill: Yeah, that’ll do. Alan: Right, let battle commence! [Slightly muffled] Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed? Jill: That’s fine. Alan: Right. Shall I move on to the other one? Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening! Jill I’m afraid I have no sheathes. Jill: No what? Alan: Sheathes, er, prophylactics, you know, rubber johnnies. Actually, being your age and everything there’s probably no need for them. I’m talking about the menopau – whoooo! Jill you know your onions! Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the… wolf from the door, so to speak. Jill, what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre? I’ll be honest I’m dead against it. People forget that [increasingly breathless] traders need access to Dixons! [Regaining himself] They do say it’ll help people in [half-sighing] wheeeeelchairs…
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 18:16:46 +0000
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