Alright friends, this is a long one, and its the first call for help we have gotten. You dont have to know exactly what to do, or how to feel about it, bear that in mind. Sometimes it helps just to know that others support you. That said, if you have meaningful comments, bring them forward. This is rather lengthy, so I will add a TL;DR to the bottom, anon, as well as a personal statement to you. You can respond in messages. I guess I should start from where things started taking a huge turn in my life. My gram died. Then a few months later, my husband of almost eighteen years left me for his secretary. We never fought. Ever. A back story of the secretary. Shes best friends with my granddaughter’s mothers mom. We actually painted my granddaughters bedroom together and she was newly employed at my husbands work. I told her all about my husband. She looked me in the eyes and had said if any woman tried speaking to my husband inappropriately shed call me within twenty seconds. She’s married with two small boys. I noticed changes in my husbands work pattern and I would question and it became a long running joke that he was cheating on me. Literally every night we would laugh or assess off about it. Believe me, after finding out that in fact for eight months behind my back he was cheating with, her not so funny... So, like I had said he left me. He was living a double life, living part time with her and part with me. While he was helping her get am apartment and separate from her husband, they were seeing each other. Then he left. I then had to endure losing my sister who was only forty five years old. My big sister. She was more than just my sister, my best friend, my mom, my everything. She had warned me what was going to happen and he had me believe she was so unhappy in her life that she was just trying to hurt me so our relationship was not at its best when she passed. Three months before she passed, we were mending or relationship. Still too little, too late. He didnt even show to her funeral. He actually had the balls to say he didnt want to take the focus off of her. As if that would have ever happened. Another thing, I was married prior to him. I have two kids who at the time were three and six when we got together. He became dad to my children as my ex was out of the picture completely by the time my daughter was ten. We had been through so much in our marriage, I had several major surgeries on both feet and also six hip to hip surgeries from cancer in my ovaries which kept growing back and the foot surgeries were unsuccessful leaving me disabled. I also survived a home invasion in 2006 which left me suffering from PTSD so severely I couldnt leave my room for six years. Begging for him to move me from that home but he just never could. Until he left. Then it literally took him fifteen minutes to dump my stuff at my apartment and leave. The positive to this is I have been fine with the flashbacks since I got out of that house. I knew I would. I told him over and over I would be if we just moved. I literally would bring home a triplicate prescription from my doctor monthly stating that if I didnt move from there I would die. He would glance at it and toss it. But I always told everyone what an amazing man he was. That there wasnt a better man in the world. He was sick after telling me the truth as I was. We cried and held each other for four days before he moved out. I actually held him telling him it would be OK. He swore nothing would change he would always take care of me and wed always be best friends. Its been over two years almost three still no divorce on either and nothing is the same. Hes screwing me over financially, we dont speak except through text message and only about pay day. Shes a disgusting fat whore and hes turned into a fat dirt bag. But, now my kids are on his side which blows my mind. I know that is because he helps them financially and Im not allowed to see my granddaughter, but she gets to stay over with him all the time. There is so much more to this story. That was just a mini breakdown of the details. Ive endured five deaths in my family during all of this. There is much more to this than what Ive written. I just dont really know how to write everything and explain back stories for it. But I think you get the idea of what had happened. I still have never been given a reason as to why. And I will never understand. But I need help I know that. Any ideas or advice? I keep asking for a divorce, but its not happening. I have tried to get an attorney but I cant afford one. Oh and I guess letting you know hes younger than me by eight years but hes got a disability is his own and needs a hip replacement and looks and acts older than me, well, he did up until he left. He still looks older well not older but my age, but physically has the body of an eighty year old man. Im just lost. No answers, no more family, no real friends. Would just like an outsider’s perspective. TL;DR: -Grandmother died -18 Years Husband left with secretary -Secretary claimed to be friendly, husband work pattern changed -Joking about cheating on her, turns out to be true, leading a double life -Sister died, husband wouldnt go to the funeral -Anon previously married, has two kids -Husband 2 became father to them -Anon had loads of surgery, including hip to hip for Ovarian cancer -Anon survived home invasion, ACTUAL PTSD resulting -Husband 2 would refuse to move, though doctor said if she stayed there she would die -No divorce, barely any communication, mostly about pay day -Cant afford attorney, cant see children (Husband 2 took them, theyre on his side now) -Anon is alone. Five family deaths, in the course of all this, and no real friends. NOTE :: Anon is not crazy. Anon has had a troubled life, and probably more sorrow than many of us will experience. BALROG: Okay, Ill say it plainly. This is a lot - and I do mean a lot - to take in. The admins here? Were all only 20 years old, so we havent personally experienced anything like this, not in our own relationships. However, theres been some crap going on with my folks. There is a similar situation going on and truth be told, I wash my hands of it at the first opportunity. I understand that you cant do that. It just isnt an option, and I hate that. Given the array of issues here, makes anything I have dealt with seem small. I suppose a good first step for you would be to find any possible government assistance. Anything legal you can do that wont make your situation worse (Financially speaking). I will also say to try to not give up on your kids. I dont know how old they are now, I am assuming they are 21 and 24? Theyll come around eventually. With youth comes ignorance, and in this situation, they have probably been fed lies and slander about you. Im sure theyll realize their mistake. As far as your disabilities and your lack of friends... Well, if your disability isnt keeping you from enjoying the beauty of the world, you should do try to. Maybe the city youre in sucks. Youre alive. Youre here. There are many things you havent seen yet. Save up, take a vacation to a place you have always wanted to go, if youre able. You might say that it will take money from anything to be put to an attorney, but I think your mental state is the biggest concern. Getting away from all of this for a little while would be good for you. I know its hard, impossibly hard. Still, I believe in you. The fact that you were able to go to people you dont know in the slightest and express your troubles signals to me that you want to live happily. Thats absolutely possible, I believe. It may take time, but no one finds inner peace in a week. Thus ends my spill. Best wishes to you, Anon. Well be here for you. -Balrog
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 17:28:58 +0000
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