Another crisis hits, and I really like to take these opportunities to impress on people what happens when you walk your talk; when you say this is MY job to fix, nobody elses, and you stand up and get busy doing anything and everything that could possibly have a positive impact on the situation. I just took Holly to the vet. Basically I was told her uterus us about 50 times more swollen than normal, filled with pus, and we have to do surgery on Monday; if we dont do it very soon, shell die. It will probably be $500. That wipes us out and wipes out Christmas in one fell swoop. Yet again. Second financial wipe-out in 5 months; 8th consecutive erasure of Christmas. Its in my face. There is no time or room for emotion. Do what has to be done and handle it. Period. How I feel, how I assess the fairness or unfairness of this, its all bull**** and it means nothing. What has to be done is what has to be done. Shes going into surgery on Monday and we will pick up the pieces from there. She may not wake up. That is a distinct possibility. She is old - 10 - to be having this surgery. Shes on antibiotics until Monday, to help her chances, but beyond that, it will turn out the way it does. There are other things that can be done, which I wont go into detail about here, and they are being done. The idea is that this is the overall approach: dont sink into my emotions, how unfair this is, not again, another crisis, an 8th consecutive Christmas blown to Hell. Nobody cares. Do what has to be done. Keep my head on straight, feet on the ground, think, be rational, do what Im able to do and beyond that point, what happens, happens. I cannot control life and death (that Im aware of). However it comes out, I will never look back and see that I could have done more than I did. I am making sure of that *now.* This is my problem, my crisis, and my job to fix it. It entitles me to nothing. It obligates nobody to me in any way, shape, or form. It does not make me special, it does not make my needs or my feelings special. Everybody has crises. Nobody escapes ever having them. It will unfold as it does, but this is how Im handling it. To most, its just a dog. But I have no kids, I have not seen a single family member in over 5 years and I have seen nobody in my family except my sister Liz since 2002. Along with Mitzi, Holly is my life. So in my little reality, this might as well be a toddler. The impact would be no different. This is how later regret is avoided. It is also entirely possible that she could wake up, *heal* up, and have many more years. I wont know until it happens.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Nov 2013 18:15:42 +0000
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