As I was shopping at Belk’s tonight (Nov. 18th), I was talking with a friend. We were discussing which was the hardest: losing a spouse to divorce or to death. The sales lady could only hear a portion of the conversation and she thought my husband had left me. She made the statement that she hated her husband and would like to “throw him off of a cliff.” I looked at her and replied, “That’s really sad. What I wouldn’t give to talk to my husband just one more time…then I burst into tears.” Tonight, 26 years ago I had just become Mrs. Todd Reaves and I was floating on cloud nine. Then reality set in…being married was hard! Those first few years were tumultuous! They were filled with a whole lot of arguments, hurt feelings and tears and they were usually mine. Both of us were the “babies of the family” and spoiled rotten (Todd more than me! LOL) My Dad predicted the marriage would only last six months. Priorities needed to change, but some took much more time to change than others. Todd and I were very different from one another. He was boisterous, outgoing and he had a love of laughter and life. I was more reserved, I don’t really have a sense of humor and I was content staying at home enjoying my family. He said things tactfully and I was pretty much blatant. He got mad easily and forgave easily. I was slower to anger and much, much slower to forgive. He always had “extra parts” when he put something together and I was the “handy man” of the family. When we played dirty Santa with his family, he would get Bath & Body Works lotion and eye cream and I would get tools. We did have a few things in common: we were both passionate about God, our families and softball. But after Micah started playing t-ball, Todd stopped playing competitive ball. How did we stay together when we were basically polar opposites? It is called commitment. We fell in love but we CHOSE to stay in love. We worked hard on our marriage. We had date night, wrote each other letters, and we parented together. I went to the Hunting Expo with him and he would go to Home Depot with me…not because we really enjoyed it, but we enjoyed being with each other. We read the book The Five Love Languages and we applied what we learned. We learned to communicate our needs to one another and we chose to fulfill those needs. We held hands, hugged and kissed. And yes we still argued, hurt each other’s feelings and sometimes I still cried. I did get mad at him one time and leave….and he wouldn’t let me come home for two days. I never did that again. Divorce was not an option. Why? We took a vow to each other and before God to love, honor and cherish until death do us part – and we fulfilled those vows. Was it easy? Definitely not…but it sure was worth it. If your marriage is struggling, like the sales lady’s, go back to that place and remember what it was that attracted you to one another, the fun you had, and the feeling you would get when you made your spouse smile. Nothing was more important than their happiness. You would move mountains and swim the ocean for them. If both people put Christ first, then each other’s happiness, think how wonderful and fulfilling the marriage would be. Live and laugh and love because without love, life would not be worth living. Just something to think about.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 03:56:20 +0000
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