As a police officer I vowed never to make promises, for in the world I have come to know a promise is sacred and not always easy to keep. Things change so fast. Breaking a promise is not allowed in my world. But my world has changed dramatically since I retired and I have caused so much pain for my family. I did not want to hurt them but I did as I have unsuccessfully have been left to deal with visions and unresolved feelings from my years as an officer. My family has stood by me as I made steps to move forward and then giant steps backwards. I continued to hurt them. I realized that in a way I had made a promise to my wife in our wedding vows. We vowed to one another to love and honor each other and she has done this far better than I did but there is only so much one person can bear. It then became apparent to me that I had 2 choices: to truly commit to my PTSD recovery or lose my family. To my wife I PROMISE to love and honor you and fight for myself as fiercely as you have fought for me. To my family I PROMISE to never give up and reach out to you all even when I think I can’t. But most important I MAKE A PROMISE TO MYSELF to realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to regret and understand that I am not a broken human being. I am a man who was a police officer and I loved my job and did it well. I will not allow the bad that I have seen invade my life any more. I PROMISE to FIGHT FOR ME!! To FIGHT FOR US!!
Posted on: Mon, 10 Jun 2013 20:39:10 +0000
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