As my friends and family can attest to, growing up I had an awful temper. When we moved from my house in Michigan to Louisiana, my brother and I (mostly me) had left marks and gashes on the walls throughout the house from different battles. Years later, while in Thailand, I set out to conquer my anger. Whenever I would feel it bubbling up, I would try to quickly introduce considerations to undercut the rising emotions. One day, my bike had a flat tire four times within two hours. The first couple times I took in stride. The fourth time, I threw my bike a few yards and started kicking it. In the middle of the act I recognized the absurdity and started to laugh. From that day on, the absurdity would reveal itself earlier and earlier. Finally, I shed a great deal of the immaturity and anger that had always had a stranglehold on me. Ive become, for the most part, a very patient and cool-headed person. Interestingly, Ive seen in the years since Thailand times where Ive drifted instead into conflict avoidance and passivity when I should have faced things head-on. When we face warring impulses inside ourselves, I think it will always be an ongoing process to find balance. A mentor once told me that he was not seeking the balance of a scale, but the balance of a dancer. He said the important thing is that you dont fall. I say that if you do, get up and keep dancing. The duality is an illusion. When we are trying to improve, we are not really facing warring impulses as much as an intermingled light and shadow. Strange Saturday musing.
Posted on: Sat, 24 May 2014 20:14:05 +0000
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