Awareness with Alzheimer’s Quick memo before a visit with my grandmother. Please forgive the error in my writing as I am not so quaint with prose. Age, Alzheimer’s, and attitude allow an affluent appeal. My grand mother, at age 93, has all three. She lives in Montreal with the great support of my caring aunt Aline and uncle John. They bath her in kindness and in endless love – it is clear to see. Mae, my grandmother lives alone, but she is not really alone. She is with the love of Aline and John, two patron saints and the care of the hospital she resides in. Mae does not know she lives in a hospital – and its better that way. She has Alzheimer’s and is slowly becoming detached from the world we live in. She is attached very deeply in moments, but from moment to moment. Alzheimer’s is a degenerative disease that deteriorates area of the brain and is associated with memory loss. The disease is different for different people. With my grandmother, based on one visit and not being a specialist, I will guess now and ask later. I imagine the cerebral cortex is shrinking and ventricles are widening. A lot of memories are jumbled and confused. She will speak and sometimes this overlaps with another’s speech, but amazingly enough she can come back 10-15 seconds later and address or self-correct a point made. So, I guess the hippocampus and enthorhinal cortex (responsible for short-term working memory) and not totally degenerated. I am not a Alzheimer’s specialist, but have looked a lot at memory from an academic perspective, so when faces with a case like this enjoy thinking things through. I live in the Middle East now, quite far away. I came to see her, and to share her with family. I don’t see her enough. So, I do what I can. I was able somehow to find her in her hospital sitting in the hallway in a wheelchair. She can walk, but I hear she is also very capable of falling, so better to sit. This, for me, is not a sad story, but one of triumph and victory. Although she is slowly departing her family, slowly departing her mind, slowly departing this life, she is still present. She will always be present. She will live on in her seven children numerous grandchildren, great grand children and generations to come. Towards the end of life we all will have either a disease that takes over our senses or some kind of event many may perceive as tragic. I think not. It is natural, and it is simply life. So, in looking at my aging grandmother only partially mindful of her past – I don’t see tragedy, but an exit that many take. Understand that I don’t wish this on any, nor do I wish any disease on any, but am aware to all it will come. As we age this is a mere fact of life – so I must look at her and try to remember the great gifts she has had and has given. A great gift she has given me is awareness. Awareness that life is to live, to try, and to do. She has done that and although she may not have been perfect in all interactions and doings – this makes her perfect. A perfect living human. All wrong doings are forgiven, if any, and to any that hold such resentment, hopefully none, this is a mere flaw of the holder. She has had a lot. She has given a lot. She will give a lot more. Born some 90 + years ago (93) she has written, in her book about life, about live in horse and buggy and recalls her family getting one of the first cars in eastern Canada. She recalls life before refrigeration, and life before many of us experience this modern life we lead. She grew up in times when children were working and it was not considered child labor - but being responsible. She had a tough father and recalls bastard brothers that tormented her and teased her, but is I believe that she is fully aware that this made her stronger and who she is today. She, as we all do, had times of strain and times of challenge and these foundations had build the strong character she is today. She grew up in the time of an essentially borderless North America living in America half the year and Canada the other half. She lived in nature. She harnessed nature. She knew how to live off the land and be one with nature. She lived in the country where picking berries and churning butter were daily routines. She grew up in times before blacks and whites coexisted (for the most part) and was one of the first whites to bring a black person to her community. I remember her fear of being ousted from the community – but pushed on despite such feelings. She made bridges for racial equity. I have witnessed this first hand. I visited her a lot, in the countryside as a child and my leash for freedom was simply non-existent. She let us go, at a very young age: “if your not going to be good – be safe” she would say. We tried so hard to be good, and safe. Often this did not work. We learned from this. We had fun being bad, but we were safe. Thanks for the tip. At the age of 11 I was permitted to go on 160 km (320km return) bicycle trips with my uncle. Yes – at the age of 11. Later in life when racing the Ironman the 180Km cycle leg was the easiest part of the race for me – thanks to our long leash as a child. She taught us how to get what we wanted through hard work and perseverance. Commercial flights and Rock and Roll were not options in her youth. They were not here yet. T shirts were underwear (originally they were) and they were puzzled to see us in such undergarments when we were kids. I’m not sure I remember her in a t-shirt. Of course she accepted the t-shirt, but in the early 70’s I think the trend was an overwhelming novelty she probably hoped would have past. It did not pass, and now some people wear, today, what we see as undergarments as clothing in public. So, in my underwear I will go see her today. I have a few more days to see her. She does not see me. She is unaware of who I am. I introduce myself, ahhh “Stephan” she says – “no, no no” are you so old, she says remembering me as a child. Then, two minutes later, “who are you?”, and I can only smile and re-introduce myself. I laugh a little and this makes her laugh. We laugh together, not at each other. I some ways it is a relief as in 4 hours I introduced myself about 150 times, so I can feel like I am catching up on my visits. It will be interesting today as I will try without Aline. Last time she only spoke French until Aline came, then as soon as she hear Aline’s voice she snapped into English, it was an amazing thing to see. When she realizes it is me, for 3 seconds, she ventures off into soliloquy about her past. She tells me a lot of how hard her father was, how awful her brothers were, but how wonderful her children are. She misses them and is aware many live at distances so can’t be with her, but she forgives this, and is happy for the great family she has. So – there is some awareness. She jumps from subject to subject and calls herself crazy, with a little chuckle, and it is best to laugh a long and play a serious game of silliness to make moments of laughter and allow pleasantry to bloom. She has a lot of awareness with Alzheimer. Thanks for the wonderful days. Thanks for today. You were, and are, always with us. You are loved
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 12:44:58 +0000
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