But for every moment of those three and a half years, I had a nagging, itching, aching feeling that hewould never be the right onefor me. Despite his great heart, he lacked ambition and drive and handled his finances very poorly and, atthe heart of it all, was very insecure despite being a bright and attractive guy. I understood him, though. I understood that his family had never prepared him for LIFE, and the poor decisions he had made as a younger man had him caught in a sticky web and a hole he just couldn’t seem to dig himself out of. As the years went by, he could give me less and less of what I needed. Things became strained between us.I was a terrible nag, and I see that now. But the problem was that there werejust too many things about him that I wanted to change. And as I began to realize that I could never change him and shouldn’t have to, I struggled SO much with what the right thing to do was. It ate away at me day and night, because I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. And being alone TERRIFIED me. Somewhere during all this, I read the book The Secret which is all about the law of attraction. I really, really believed in what it said. It inspired me. I realized that I had not arranged my life in away that allowed for all the things I so desired. I hate to skim over this because it’s so important, but let’s just say that I KNEW I had to decide what I wanted my future to look like and start taking active steps towards attracting that future. And staying in my current relationship at the time was a major roadblock. I knew in my heart that if I stayed where I was, life would always be a struggle . So one day the breakup finally happened. We talked and cried for hours and finally decided that we could never truly work. He decidedto move out and let me stay in the house and keep the dogs because, on his incomealone, he couldn’t afford to live there (I made enough waiting tables to cover the bills if pennies were tightly pinched). I can honestly say that the 48 hours after that break upwere the toughest of all my life. I ugly-cried those kind of tears that come from somewhere inside you didn’t even know existed—a place of fear and sudden awareness that you are completely alone. And that’s the place I was in when I met Matthew. We met a mere 48 hours after the ex and I called it quits, whichcould either be considered really terrible timing or reallygreat timing. I choose to believe the timing was perfect. But let’s back up again for just a minute. Remember how I was workingat that little restaurant? Well, for a couple of years I’d been waiting on my futurein-laws without even knowing it. We’ll just call them Mr. and Mrs. D for our purposes here today. They were an odd couple. Mrs. D was a beautiful blondeand friendly as can be, and Mr. D was quiet, reserved, and hard to read. I really enjoyed waiting on them, though, and I found it amusing when Mrs. D would occasionally mention their son in California and how perfect he and I would be foreach other. She mentioned this to me on at least two or three occasions, but I alwayslaughed and just politely reminded her that I had a boyfriend. I came to find out later that, in actuality, Mrs. Dtalked a whole lot more about Matthew and I one daymeeting than I ever knew at the time; Mr. D now says he had to hear about it every single time they came to the restaurant, and Matthew, when he was in town, would always go to eat there and would hear about me then, too. But for some reason, I was never working when Matthew happened to stop inwith his parents, and our paths never crossed. But then one day, on January 19, 2009, our pathsDID cross. And to make it all the more strange, I wasn’t even working that day—the encounter was, TRULY, by chance. Little did I know when I woke up that morning, Martin Luther King Day and a university holiday, that my life was about to be turned upside down
Posted on: Wed, 12 Jun 2013 05:20:05 +0000
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