Codependency Red Flags (adapted from Melody Beattie, Codependent No More) How do you know when you’re being co? For me, it’s a feeling I’ve come to recognize. When I feel myself being drawn in, I usually notice it and draw back. But it wasn’t always this way. It took a long time to see how this works and longer to get enough space to work on solutions. Here are some codependent habits that are more related to taking care of an addict who is still active in their addiction: Following up after giving advice. Being attached to the results. Being preoccupied with the addiction of another. Inability to experience emotion in your own life but regular emotional experiences regarding someone else’s life. Micro-managing someone else’s life. Making their life an extension of your own. Being a martyr. Getting defensive or protective over, lying or covering up the addict’s behavior. If we don’t get some distance from sick situations, it’s difficult to seen what’s going on with a clear eye. It may be helpful then to keep an eye out look for what I call red flags-warning signs. Here are a few. If you relate to these, you may be in trouble. If so, please seek support from the resources listed below. Caretaking If you feel compelled to help someone fix their life to the point where you feel anxiety about not doing it, red flag. Do you know what people want before they do? Dependency Do you seek love from people who are not capable of loving you in return? Are relationships your primary source of good feelings? Do you put up with abuse? Are your relationships copies of each other? Denial Is there an elephant in your living room with a rug over it that you pretend isn’t there? RED FLAG. Controlling Do you use coercion, threats, guilt, threats, domination to get what you want? Hmm. Obsession Are other people your main focus? Do you allow fixation on others to get in the way of your daily responsibilities? Repression Do you feel loose and flexible or bound up? Low Self-worth Do you feel like you’re not good enough for a better relationship? Are you ashamed of who you are? Do you have a hard time believing that good things can happen for you? Communication Do you say what you mean and mean what you say, or say what you don’t mean because you’re afraid others won’t like you? Trouble saying no? Weak Boundaries Do you keep letting people hurt you, despite proclamations to the contrary?
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 12:58:54 +0000